Personally, I will define insecurities as the feeling of not meeting certain standards; for example, you feel like you are not good enough for something, or you feel like you don't meet certain standards. Insecurities are developed in various ways, and they come in different dimensions. It could be about your body, your face, your way of thinking, or anything. For today, I want to talk about how childhood experiences determine insecurities in an adult's life. Childhood experiences will forever remain an important factor that shapes an adult to become whatever they become, which is why it is important to protect children from any form of trauma.
Let me share my personal experience and insecurities for better understanding. I grew up in a home where showing emotions was not really a thing. So you hardly hear my mom say something like "I love you" or "you look beautiful today" unless it's a special occasion like birthdays or other celebrations. Don't get me wrong, my mom loved her kids; she just wasn't the mushy, PDA kinda mom. She dedicated her energy to providing our daily needs and raising us to be decent and disciplined adults. We were well-fed, clothed and attended a good school. So automatically I didn't care, or let me say I was oblivious to physical appearances.
It wasn't until I got to junior secondary school that I became aware that there is a kind of standard that has been laid down for you to be seen as beautiful. I started developing insecurities about my physical appearance (my face especially) on a particular day, when I was taking pictures with my friends and someone said something funny, and we all laughed, and the picture of that moment was taken. As we were looking at the picture, one of my friends was like, "OMG, see the way she looks." That was the moment I became aware that, as humans, we see some people as beautiful and some not really, and yeah, I was among the latter. I remember that after that I would ask my mom how I looked, and she would say I looked beautiful, but I always felt like she would say that since I am her daughter. And from there, it was a downward spiral. I remember when I was in my senior secondary school and a new boy transferred to our school and had a crush on me. Everyone knew about it, while I was oblivious. I only found out about it when I had a fight with a girl in my class, and he came to defend me, and then she said something along the lines of "God knows why he likes you, it's not like you are pretty." You can guess what happened after that. I was embarrassed and shocked, and no matter how much he tried to comfort me and be a friend, I just distanced myself so much that we stopped talking and being friends. I felt so beneath him then, and of course I wasn't showing it physically, I was being "the hard girl," but on the inside it was the opposite.
Insecurities can make one depressed. I remember a birthday that I cried the moment I woke up that day because I looked at myself in the mirror and I felt so ugly, and all I could do was cry and ask God why he made me this way. At that point in my life, I didn't even take pictures again, I couldn't stand in front of a camera without feeling so ugly. I still have a hard time doing that to this day, but I have learned to embrace my flaws. Being insecure about my look affected my social life too. I became someone who was too scared to face the crowd, and as someone who sings, that affected me a lot. Anytime I was in front of a crowd, the thought that would be going through my head was what people think about me (do I look ugly to them). Whenever I was walking on the streets and someone was looking at me, I would think that they don't like the way I look, so I would always frown my face, won't greet, and just go straight to wherever I was going. Being a teenager, it was very hard for me then with all the hormonal struggles going on.
My insecurities have gotten so much better now that I have embraced my flaws and learned not to care about what people think about me. But sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if I didn't have that childhood trauma that led to my insecurities.
Just like me, there are thousands of people out there who suffer from having insecurities.
A friend of mine is insecure about her legs, so she finds it difficult to wear short gowns and skinny Jeans. Mind you, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her legs, and anytime I tell her that, she argues and tells me that I can't understand her.
So today, I just want to create awareness about one of the origins of insecurities, which is childhood traumas. Some of the ways to combat this are: embracing your scars (don't pretend you are fine), talking to someone about it (either therapy or writing it down in a journal), forgiving the influencers of that insecurity, accepting your imperfections, being aware of your triggers, and putting yourself first. Also, a gentle reminder to parents, please be vocal about your love for your children. Yes, you love them, but don't just show it by providing for them. Be very affectionate with them right from birth; tell them you love them in public, hug them, kiss them, let them not only feel it, instill your love in them. Also teach them to be kind to everyone.
A shout-out to every lady out there battling insecurities and low self-esteem; you can overcome this; don't give up, you got this❤.
