The other day I was working and took some time to relax. This haiku soon followed.

I lean back
close my eyes
and listen to the ringing

^{Sleeping Woman - By Kajita Hanko}

Another revision I wrote down is

I close my eyes
and listen to
the ringing

That might be a bit stronger—I don't know. I kind of like the image of "leaning back". That gives me a mental picture of a 1930s PI leaning back in his chair, feet on desk, hands behind his head. I wasn't doing that—my desk is a low Japanese style desk and I sit on the floor, for starters—but that was kind of the image in my head that popped in with the haiku.

I have long suffered from tinnitus, that is, ringing in the ears. I've had it all my life. I don't know what caused it. I do have a distinct memory of asking my dad if I could wear his ear buds when I was six or seven—this is back in the day when ear buds were quite large and not entirely comfortable, when the cheap walkman style headphones were the typical ones. He warned me not to play them too loud, or I might damage my hearing. I don't remember suffering any pain, but I do remember that when he took them away from me some hour later, my ears were ringing quite a lot, with that after-noise that you hear when a concert finishes. That might have been the start of it. If it was, then I obviously didn't heed my dad's warnings. I think of this memory sometimes when I warn my son not to do something that could be dangerous for him.

But whatever the cause, I have had it as long as I can remember. When I was younger, it bothered me, but I long ago made peace with it. Maybe that is one advantage of growing up with tinnitus: you get used to it. Sometimes I even use the ringing as a meditation aid when I otherwise can't keep my mind from being distracted.

Anyway, the other day while I was working I paused at once point and enjoyed the silence, which to me always features the ringing in my ears. Then I started to listen specifically to the ringing and the haiku soon came to mind.

【Also published on my website】

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David LaSpina is an American photographer and translator lost in Japan, trying to capture the beauty of this country one photo at a time and searching for the perfect haiku. He blogs here and at laspina.org. Write him on Twitter or Mastodon.