“See, I do like the last church we went to before all this Covid stuff, but I also like this because it's nice to sit in the yard and be good neighbors with y'all in the Good Neighbors Fellowship. It is easier to love one another when sitting with your best friends.”
Eight-year-old Gracie Trent was sitting between best friends eight-year-old Edwina and seven-year-old Amanda Ludlow, and they were discussing their church experiences.
“I'm just glad we are settled into something good,” Edwina said, “because you know Papa doesn't play about his and he wasn't happy with a lot of these local churches.”
“It's really nice to actually be churching with people who actually care about people the way God does,” Amanda said.
“I bet they just looked at your grandfather and saw money,” Gracie said.
“Yeah, because he definitely is that one old man that looks like a million bucks,” Edwina said, “and with Grandma you have another million, so, yeah, that's a lot of what is going on.”
“But people can't count good,” Amanda said, “because Papa and Grandma have seven of us, and if you know Robert you know he is eating at least at least half of that money every week, and guzzling the rest out of the milk carton. He does share, though, real good, so we all get a good guzzle in when we need one.”
Lil' Robert Ludlow was five years old, and reputedly had two hollow legs he had to fill up with his stomach. He also, being a sweet and generous soul, was making sure that since the Ludlow grandparents had forgotten to tell the Lees about him being strong enough to get a quart of milk out and help himself, everybody under 10 was enjoying what Col. and Mrs. Lee, his cousins and guardians for the time being, could never quite account for in the milk part of the budget.
“But see, that's also how you need to be in a church where people really know how to get a prayer through, because y'all are going to need a lot of money to keep the other eight of y'all fed while feeding Rob,” Gracie said. “I really don't know what y'all are going to do when he gets to be four feet tall.”
“Well, y'all's folks have a good song: 'The Lord Will Make a Way, Somehow,'” Amanda said. “I mean, somehow they got him past three feet tall, so, we just need to keep praying that the money will come in.”
“I love how the Good Neighbors Fellowship takes up offerings for families in need,” Edwina said, “so, I think we'll get the help if we need it.”
“Yeah, I think you will, and remember: my Pop-Pop is kinda short compared to your grandfather, but, he actually is a billionaire, so even when Rob is five feet tall, he's my friend too, so, we got this,” Gracie said.
“About how much is a billion anyway?” Edwina said.
“It's a big number – a billion is a thousand millions,” Gracie said. “It's like this: you take my cousin Vertran, a thousandaire, and you take my cousin Melvin, another thousandaire, and then you just get 999,998 more of them – boom, a billionaire.”
“But how much is nine hundred and – what?” Amanda said.
“Get a regular offering plate,” Gracie said. “Put ten $100 bills in it, and do that a thousand times – that's a million, but then, somebody always needs change. So, take the last $100, make it all $1 bills, and then put all but two of those in the offering plate. A million minus two – $999,998.”
“See, this is why Papa wasn't happy in a lot of churches – they kept looking at him like he was supposed to have more than two dollars left after feeding Robert and the rest of us!” Edwina said.
“And they probably wanted him to put that whole nine hundred and whatever that number is in there in $1 bills so they could count it real easy,” Amanda said, “but I mean, you gotta sing the songs and hear the preacher and get your nap done sometime. Who has time for all that money?”
“Ain't nobody got time for all that,” Gracie said, “which just shows: Covid is bad but God is good, because we are not being bothered!”
Meanwhile, inside Gracie's big brother Melvin's soundproofed home studio two minutes later, billionaire grandfather Thomas Stepforth Sr. was on the floor, laughing so hard that Melvin just knew Gracie was somewhere involved!
