I can remember as clear as day the reactions of my classmates in High School to the statement I made about us just being acquaintances. It was an All-Girls school and I did join a clique. Their reaction was to cut me off and try to make me feel lesser than they were, to an extent it worked because I went back to them with an apology. It felt so suffocating coming to school with the knowledge that “my friends” would exclude me from everything or that I could not even say hello to my “best friend”.
Now, I look back and get the urge to go and ask them just what exactly they thought cutting me off would accomplish. Granted, we were all immature back then but they proved without reasonable doubt that they were even less than acquaintances. They were a process, a phase of life that needed to happen and happen it did. Now, I don’t even remember what most of them looked like and I doubt they’d recognise me either.
One truth that I found really hard to accept is that not all people you meet are destined to be in your life. I am known for getting ahead of myself especially with people I let into my life. I can have a full visual of all we could accomplish as a team until once again, we get to that junction where we want different things, and I never hold it against them. Reminds me of two sisters I was friends with until I wasn’t because the one I trusted most felt she was being a great friend to someone who wasn’t me.
I don’t think we make the conscious decisions to just cut someone off or avoid them. It just happens, especially when both parties want different things and can’t find a common ground. One may have to grow to meet with the other or the other may have to stoop low. Not everyone is willing to lose themselves for people they care about and some people prefer to be in the comfort zone.
I remember Snoop Dogg illustrating this where he said, and I quote:
That is basically what happens. When I hear people complain about how homies made it and forgot about them I ask myself, “did they or are you just too comfortable to see you’re not growing?” This is also the reason I can’t hold it against people I knew who have now hit the top percent but don’t reach out. I mean, how can I? Their success is not my entitlement, rather it is a challenge that I take on willingly.
I know it is hard for me to maintain friendship unless it is intentional. Truth be told, I only stick to people to edify my soul and spirit. People who encourage me and challenge me. People who make me want to be better, and many of the people in my life in the past did none of those. For the lack of better words, they were boring.
I still have a long life ahead of me and one thing I cherish after family is my mental space. When something takes up space in my head or brings me down emotionally, an automatic response (as swift as lightening) is to avoid. Not just with people but with things as well. I am at a point in my life where I need to be mentally sound to make critical life decisions.
There are days when I just go ghost to spend time with myself and recharge, nitpicking this trait of mine and calling me out on it or trying to make me feel bad for it just leads to my gradual detachment emotionally and mentally from the object or person casting judgement. I hate drama, I avoid it unless in certain tricky situations. The moment all that I get with you is drama and speeches, my subconscious begins to reverse.
I do not do this deliberately. I just prefer to be alone than deal with people problems and my inner-man gets that. So, once we see the drama coming we withdraw and grow cold, distant because I already deal with too much to add “babies” to the list.
Does this mean I don’t try in my relationships? No. I give my best but unfortunately, the best is not enough and people would go miles, even say hurtful things to make you understand that. Another thing I have learned, I can’t control people and their desires/appetites. I can only control the power I give them over me.
In conclusion, people who are meant to be will be and those who are not will leave. Not every person you come across is destined for you. It could all just be a process.
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