Sadness and struggle is no stranger to any human, we have all encountered it at some point. It no longer feels strange to us since it is an experience that has become a constant elements in a human life. Most times I wonder how we humans always find ways to get back on our feet despite going through a lot of difficulties and challenges in life. It almost feels like we are immune to pain but sadly we are not. There is a saying "If you live long enough you will forget how much it hurts". when you think about the pain you have felt in the past you would realise all you have is a memory of it, a scar or regret but never the full length of how it hurts when it happened.
The truth is, I have been through a lot of difficulties in my life, some are self inflicted while others are just life showing who is boss. Trying to cope with my sad reality the best way I know in achieving this is to keep myself locked up in a room where I can be able to think about the solution to my problems. In the process of doing this I don't really keep in touch with anyone because no one will truly understand the reason for my actions. To most people thus might just be the effect of sadness but to me it is not, I consider it to be my technique of coping with sadness.
My kind of personality does not really allow me to make a lot of friends, I mean I make friends but I don't keep them. Which makes it a lot easier for me stay away from people and no one would notice. Which is kind of funny when you think about it, to most people it is a kind of strange behaviour that occurs whenever they are sad but this particular attitude of staying away from everyone is something I do on a daily basis.
In more ways than one, I have disciplined myself to be able to cope with sadness regardless of the source but despite my strict compliance to my principles there was a particular time it went out of control. About A year and few months ago, the only thing I could think about was graduating but little did I know about some other issues that will transgress after the whole sign out party.
It is a custom in Nigeria backed up by the constitution for every student to embark on NYSC service, as a duty to serve our country but before all this could take place the institution a student graduated from Needs to release their final semester result and the graduating list. This is where it gets tricky.
Immediately after the sign out ceremony, we were sure of what was next but we had no idea how long it will take in order to move to the next phase of our lives, Nigeria schools most especially the state and federal owned institution are fond of delaying results. This act has a devastating effect on the lives of the student in general, we were stuck in a phase without having a definition of where we were in the academic level.
I was at home since the moment I finished my final year exam, my first attempt was to get a job for the mean time but the funny expect was how they keep asking for the certificate I'm yet to obtain. Other kind of jobs that are available, are miles away from my location, eventually I felt why not wait it out. I never knew waiting could be so tormenting everyday seems the same like the next, it i
was as if I was living in some kind of time paradox.
Gradually, I started losing sense of attachment with the society and my ability to socialise reduced drastically, I never knew what was going on until frustration sets in and a little bit of action set me off, during those times I was Living with my parents and siblings they were the first to notice, as I find it difficult to share space with anyone, no one dares step in my room.
Eventually I realised, it was a defence mechanism my body has developed to cope with sadness, which was gradually leading to social anxiety, though I have hive blog to keep me busy but being so attached to activities here make it feel like I'm losing touch with my surroundings, it seems the only kind of life I have only exist on social media.
Last year before the Sallah celebration. my dad noticing the change in my attitude, he advised me to take some time off my activities on social media and visit other places, he pointed it out that I'm the kind of person that get bored easily, which I knew. So if I keep doing the same thing everyday will put me in a depressed state of mind. he asked me to take a trip to let go of any kind of stress I have locked up in me. So I did.
One of the camp site in the beach
After getting back from the beach, I felt more refreshed and I realised that all the sadness I have bottled up has gone way. The truth is sometimes all it takes is a change of environment and surrounding ourselves with loved ones in order for us to find happiness again.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "Battle for happiness" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
Image 1 - Source
All pictures are mine or else stated otherwise