As we sit here perched unsteadily on the cusp of January 1, 2026, we can take a moment and look back at the accomplishments of 2025.
The year started off with a bang, as President Trump made the traditional walk down Pennsylvania Avenue. Joining him and the First Lady, was Billionaire Elon Musk who'll be sharing the White House living quarters with the Commander in Chief.
The source of the reported 'Drones over New Jersey' was revealed as none other than 12-year-old Percival Lowell Dibble, nephew of Flint Dibble (who made an ass of himself on the Joe Rogan Podcast). Turns out the young "dibster" was just bored and wanted to see if he could get everyone's attention...
It seems he has.
Summer saw the loss of "actress" Kim Kardashian, after a publicity stunt went horribly wrong. Worshiping in front of a statue of herself as the 'Golden Goddess, a skyclad "Kim K" in a scene reminiscent of the Bond movie Goldfinger, slathered her entire body in a thick layer of gold-tinted Brazilian butt grease.
Her body was found the next day, legs akimbo, still clutching an enormous tube of the sticky paste which caused her unfortunate asphyxiation.
2025 will forever be known as the year President Trump made good on his promise to absorb the former nation of Canada. The maritime and western provinces voted to join the Union after a convincing argument by new HHS Secretary RFK jr.
Since many Canadians journey south to partake of the superior American healthcare system, It was slam dunk by Bobby who promised them that "their vote would count" on the brand-spanking-new Diebold voting machines shipped straight from Mar-A-Lago. Jongo was last seen wandering off into the woods unsure of his new status as an American citizen.
Quebec was ceded to France, with former Prime Minister Trudeau installed as the Governor of the rebel province.
The fall of the year saw the $HIVE token cross the $10 mark, delighting both whales and minnows alike. Earlier, the token saw an explosion of buying activity after making the list of Oprah's Favorite Things.
With all Hive posts and comments now being AI-generated, content creators simply set it and forget it, no longer bothering having to actually visit the site in order to rake in huge profits.
Writer EverNoticeThat is one of a few holdouts still hand-writing his own posts while actually consuming blog content on the site himself.
The Hive community is now split between the 'Naturals' and the 'Automators' with the latter heaping scorn on the former. The token price represents an exciting new reality for both camps.
2026 is only a few hours away. Scattered firecrackers can be heard across the city, and even the drug dealers and hookers have taken the day off. Everyone is looking forward to what the new year will bring. So I'd like to wish each and every one of you a #HappyNewYear and admonish all to: BUY MORE HIVE! :)
