Despite my username, I've never been very good at receiving compliments. My automatic instinct is to reject or deny it. TO some degree, maybe it's humility (which I hope is the case), but to some degree, there's a far more sinister thought process going on.
The compliment I received was that I come across as someone with multiple siblings because (in her words) unlike most single children she knows, I apparently lay off, don't make a big deal out of myself, and am humble. Quite a nice compliment, since I value humility quite a lot.
My response was, first and foremost, thanking her. Then I joked that the world could not handle multiple copies of me. She replied that multiple versions of me could be doing some of the great things that I'm doing.
Despite this, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking that I'd prefer if there wasn't even a single of me to burden this world.
That's certainly not where I wanted to this to go. I'm also glad that I didn't spurt this out loud - but I'm usually quite good at not verbalizing or spouting things like this unless I'm in a deep argument with my family members.
So, there it is. That compliment, ironically, only brought my mind into a state of tearing itself down. I know this colleague of mine had great intentions, and I did indeed appreciate the compliment, but my mind just wouldn't let it happen today.
Looks like I have to keep practicing meditation so that I can control my thoughts rather than have them control me. I haven't been good with it this week because of this crazy schedule and my sleepiness. I will get back to it tomorrow, as that's my night off.
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