I dropped out of traditional school at 15. I have a problem with authority. In other words, I'm probably not your go-to idea of a substitute teacher. And yet, when my friend called me yesterday to ask if I'd sit in for her quite out of the blue, I figured why the hell not. It seemed like a chance to learn. An experiment, if nothing else. Now, my friend who is quite straightlaced did leave me some stuff to go over with the kids. She teaches a bullshit civics course-type thing that nobody takes seriously. I know. I was once a kid too, and I knew no one takes it seriously, and even less do kids take you seriously if you're a 20-something-old substitute. So I scrapped the lesson, hopped on the desk and decided to have a chat with the kids instead.
I had two seventh-grade classes, so 13-14 year olds. And what's interesting is that the school's got quite a bad rep so going off that as well as my friend's horror tales, I was expecting quite the chaos.
Which wasn't the case.
I admit I loved getting to live out my little cool teacher fantasy from when I was that age - I did all the things I, as a child, hoped a teacher would do. I joked, I tried to talk like a real person, like there was 10 years between us, not 100, and mst importantly, I listened to them. One class was easier to get along with and we actually managed to have a semi civics-related talk.
I started by asking them about discrimination and of course, at first, I got the classic answers - race, gender, etc. After a while, I stopped them and said okay, can anyone give me actual examples of how you yourself have been discriminated, bullied, etc. and stop talking like a fucking textbook.
At 13, it's not that firmly embedded, the wooden language, but it sneaks up on you when the only times you get rewarded for opening mouth are when you regurgitate some BS lesson.
And at first they wouldn't budge. Like they didn't understand when I said fuck that, talk like real people. But then they did. We talked about a conflict between a Muslim boy who was teased for the way his food smelled. It was such an eye-opening experience because they talked with so much compassion and reason, something you tend to forget when you start viewing them as a mass which (I'm guessing) most of these teachers do. I listened to both "sides" and we sort of worked out a little experiment. I got them to promise they'd try to be more respectful, but he also would try to respect the wishes of his peers (that was a problem, as well). We also got to talking about who's gonna defend your rights if you won't which, I think, is a paramount thing to teach children right now.
We chatted about all sorts of things and it was fantastic because that's the thing with kids, when you give them a chance, you find they actually have quite a bit to say.
I mean, personally I know that. But most teachers don't. Or at least, they don't act like it. My idea, and I told them this, was here's your chance. Your voice matters, what you have to say and bothers you also matters, so learn to speak. And I was saying that after class to a bunch of them, and one of the girls said to me,
But nobody listens to us. The other teachers don't care, they don't ask, they won't let us talk.
Seen here exhibiting serious doubts before class.
I thought it's all good and well for me, I got to play cool teacher for the day, but what a fucked-up way for us to be raising our young. I tried to give them hope, I told them you're not gonna be voiceless for very long. One day, you're gonna be out of school, so try to hold on to that voice, because you don't want to be 18 and realize you have nothing more to say.
The second class was a litle more unruly, but all in all we got along quite well. It was the same issue with them. I asked them why they don't like their classes, which was evident, and they all told me it's because they were being disregarded, berated absurdly and talked down at.
Well, fuck me. You don't need to be a psychologist to see how that might be unpleasant. They're young, they're not subhuman.
Another thing that stood out to me was the "us vs them" vibe between the teachers and the students. There's this little teachers' room in Romanian schools and most people there were middle-aged and, it was evident from the way they talked, quite despised the students. I even heard one swearing at the little shits, and while it's obvious how this life and environment can get you down, it doesn't seem very useful for anyone. The kids hate the teachers, the teachers hate the kids, everything is done with resentment and rage, and contempt. And that's supposed to lead to learning and open-mindedness? I don't think so.
As long as we're not treating kids as people, I don't think we're gonna get very far in our educational endeavors. And we don't treat them as people. We don't remember that at 13-14, you have your stories and your romantic interests and your anxieties. We just think you're either infantile or a brat or this great reduction of what a human being is.
I had a very moving conversation with one of the girls who waited for me in the hallway to say how I was the best teacher she ever had. She wanted to know if I was a Squid Game fan. I said fuck yeah and she seemed so shocked. Like how could a teacher be a human being and coinhabit this universe of things I actually like. The divide is mutual, but I do think it's the adults who should take the first step. When you treat them like human beings, kids will treat you as a human being back. It's only when you start othering them that problems arise. She also wanted to know how I felt about the LGBT community and confided in me she'd had a girlfriend and that "I was the only grown-up who knew". And she seemed so proud of that. It was so sweet and sad, in a way.
Throughout the afternoon, I got this feeling of "we have so much to say, but no one's gonna listen to us anyway, so fuck this". I had several kids tell me they hate school and when I asked them, all complaints were about how the teachers behaved, none about the subjects themselves. Fair enough.
I also noticed that, despite what I'd been lead to believe about these "bad" kids, none were outright rude or difficult, and when time came for them to speak about themselves, they all spoke quite passionately, quite well. They struck me as so happy to have someone listen to them, to who they were, what interested them and not treat it like it's crap.
It was both interesting and depressing, revisiting public school after all this time. When people ask, I always tell them I wasn't bullied, got along well enough, that wasn't the reason I left. Now I realize it was this sense of being disregarded, of not mattering, of being treated like what I had to say was not worthwhile that gnawed at me and eventually eroded my relationship with school.
I remember having loads of things to say at 13. And I was glad if I could be, for some of these kids, an example of a grown-up who listens. At the end of class, several asked if I was coming back next week. Needless to say, they were quite dejected when I said no and quite a few asked if I could somehow arrange it that my friend was busy again, so I could come. All so someone "adult" could listen to them. Made me think, wouldn't it be an interesting social experiment if we tried treating kids like they have something worth saying?
I mean, fuck me, then we wonder how they reach 18-20 and have nothing at all to say.
This little experience also served as a reinforcement for my personal desires to homeschool my children. 'Cause the further you get from it, the more you think "maybe it's not so bad". But it is. My kids, like all kids, will have things to say. And I will make sure they're heard.
