Sometimes, it is very easy for us to forget about ourselves all in our bid for achieving something in life. It could either be that we want to be good persons and then we forget to be good to ourselves or because we are just so blinded by greed and envying that it became very hard for us to even look after ourselves and more. I have been a victim of being carefree when it comes to taking care of myself and it happened for quite a long time that even when I realized and try to set myself free from it, I know how much I struggled to do so.
It was in the year 2020, I found myself in a relationship that was really detrimental to my mental health and even my physical health at some point. I was still young and naive, I was not thinking as I should and that cost me good part of my sanity. I was in a relationship with someone that seemed like he was obsessed with me, I realized this a little late but somehow I did. Well, it was hard for me to realize earlier because I also liked him and so, I felt it was normal until one faithful say.
If there is anything I hate with every fiber in me, it will be when people try to blackmail me into doing something that I won’t want to do on a normal day or something that will make me regret later. Well, this friend of mine was that person. Whenever he did something wrong, he always makes use of my weakness. He knows I have a soft spot for seeing people suffer in any way and he would always use that against me. Well, it was all bearable until he kept making me experience pain in ways that made me hated myself. It was unlike me, I hardly even think towards the direction of hurting myself but thanks to this friend of mine, I did.
He totally messed with my sanity and I remember there was a time when I went completely out. I turned off my phone and would just stay indoors feeling sad and spiteful towards myself. I kept questioning why I needed people in my life besides my family, I kept regretting ever letting him come into my life and many other questions that kept running through my mind. It was due to this deterioration in my mental health that I started becoming cold towards people at some point. No matter how pitiful you might look, once I remember how hard it was for me to break free from a relationship that was toxic to my mental health, I easily care less about your feelings because I felt I needed to care for myself first.
I was unfortunately to met someone who made me suffer mentally but God helped me and I was able to break free. Now, as much as I can, I always try to put myself first because the truth is, no matter what happens, people will come and go and if you are not careful, they will only come to toil with your sanity and leave. If you are not lucky enough, you might turn into something that you can even barely recognize. Taking care of our mental health is very important because depending on how well you take care of it, that is also how well you can relate better with people and even do anything productive and good.
But then, in as much as I try to put myself first, I still try to know when it is necessary to just put someone first even though I have been traumatized by the experience I had. It has been a struggle but somehow, God has always made it seem like something easy for me to overcome that is even hard for anyone to really know if I have gone through such a battle. One major way I try to make sure such experience does not show up again is by always speaking up whenever I’m not comfortable with something rather than trying to get use to it. And so far, it has made my life more easier and better.
I’m happy and lucky I didn’t completely fold up after that experience because today, I have some really good friends that I would have lost if I had hold on to that unfortunate experience. And this is the part when we are advised and reminded once again to always learn from our pasts but never let it define us.
Thank you for reading through. ❤️
