I awoke today feeling completely overwhelmed by life and health issues; I did not even say my prayers before making the mistake of going online to check a Reddit group I belonged to.
I mostly check this group to monitor trends and read the stories of people who have my medical conditions, but most of the time I am looking to see if there has been a big break, maybe a new medicine, maybe a new treatment method, or something really to improve the quality of life, but I came across this really depressing story of a 45-year-old woman, and it made me concerned about my own health.
Then I decided to look up this woman's situation on Google, which only made me feel worse. I spent a few hours really thinking about my situation.
A Cure To (Your) Cancer?
I could use some exciting new medication right now; perhaps a mad scientist will find an incredibly cheap cure. These thoughts caused me to spiral into some more sub-thoughts, which completely depressed me. Then I decided to give myself a little break; after my morning prayers.
Crypto Cure
I decided to check crypto prices, and good old BTC has decided to take down the alts once more, while remaining 11% up from last month. It was just what I needed to send me down even deeper. With good cryptocurrency prices, I could really get some quality medications, and even if they did not cure my condition, they would give me some relief, and then we could worry about the future rather than the present.
Too Much "GOOD", Can Be Too Good
Life can be extremely good at times, and it can also be so bad that you wonder if you deserve what you are going through. A little mix of good and bad life experiences is acceptable, but completely good or bad feels too good to be true. In reality, the combination of good and bad creates stability.
We use the good things in our lives to help us get through the bad. When life suddenly gets too good, it makes some people nervous because they do not know where the crack will appear.
In reality, it has not been all bad for me, but the majority of the events that have occurred over the last year have left me extremely concerned. Instead of overplanning, I sometimes try to do things quickly. Too many bad events have turned me into a pessimist, and my outlook on life is not always positive.
Where others see sunshine and roses, I am always worried there'll be a dark cloud somewhere, and having this outlook makes me extremely nervous, which is why I am hoping for some good news. Most of the time, my blood work leaves me feeling exhausted. I go to the labs with high hopes for a ray of hope, and sometimes I leave with a more depressed mood.
Choosing Denial
Although I prefer to know the full story of my reality, it makes me cautious and careful, even if it makes me sad. Living in denial is not something I want; living as if there is nothing wrong or picturing a perfect life with no worries is like having a beautiful living room with a slaughterhouse or full of scary things in the basement. I understand that people need to be in denial to feel sane, but being in the know is preferable.
Even if we choose to deny the facts of reality, does that change the reality? Choosing ignorance is like applying a cosmetic solution to reduce my anxiety.
I am concerned about cryptocurrency, but my concern is fleeting and superficial; at times, I would like to believe it is crypto, but deep down I know it is my condition. Again, worry has the potential to interconnect.
The human mind has the ability to interchange or transfer worry from one situation to another; sometimes this mental state aids in the transfer of aggression from what we are most concerned about to what we are least concerned about.
However, I am concerned about a variety of issues, most of which are related to my health.
Because I believe that sudden physiological rejuvenation will alleviate my other concerns. For the time being, all I want is to be able to provide my family with what they need to thrive, but I can not do more than I am doing right now, or I will get sick and they will be worried about me.
In Conclusion
Again, I want to be present for my family. Throughout my life, I did not have anyone who was truly there for me. I had people who could do very little, but when it came down to it, they would draw the line.
For me, it is about giving back to my current family what I did not get as a teenager/child, and I need to be in a stable state of mind to do so, which I can not do if I am jaded and demotivated. Then again, I know my worries will continue, but maybe I do not want to win everything; I know I can't; I just want to win a few battles in my life right now, even if I might lose the rest.
Interested in some more of my works
Is it Easy To Make Money?
Nigeria: A Unique Business Market & Industry
Virtual Bank Apps In Nigeria: An Experience Of Gamification
How To Find The Next "BIG" Meme Coin
Personal Finance: Achieving Intentional "Saving" Goals
Playing The Survival Game: Human Nature In Introspection
"Un-PAYING" The Debt You Owe
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