Growing up, I was the type of person who loved staying indoors. Most times, I enjoyed being by myself. I wasn’t much of an extrovert, and even up to my secondary school days, I was the quiet, reserved type. I could sit in a room for hours, and unless someone specifically looked for me, they might not even notice I was there. I was perfectly fine with it back then; I never felt the need to draw attention to myself or be the loudest person in the room.
However, as I got older, I started to realize that this personality trait came with its own set of challenges. One of the biggest hurdles I faced, even in high school, was talking to girls. I don’t know what it was, but I just always feel shy every time I tried to communicate with them. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to talk to them—I did, but the words never seemed to come out right. I could easily chat with my male classmates and exchange ideas without any issue, but the moment I was faced with the opposite gender, i would literally just go blank. I remember having crushes on a few girls back then, but I never once told them how I felt. I would daydream about talking to them, even rehearse what I wanted to say, but when the moment came, I just couldn’t do it. I’d get so nervous that I’d convince myself it was better not to say anything at all.
Fast forward to now, and I realize this issue hasn’t disappeared. It has followed me into adulthood and is now affecting my relationship. I have been single for about four years now, even though a part of me wants to believe it’s just life’s timing, I know deep down that my inability to communicate properly with girls has played a significant role. I’ve tried putting myself out there. In fact, I’ve been making conscious efforts to meet and talk to girls at my university, but no matter how hard I try, something always seems to go wrong. Either I overthink the situation, get tongue-tied and nor been able to communicate properly or my shyness becomes too obvious.
There was this one time recently when I met a girl, and after a short conversation, she straight-up told me I seemed “timid.” That comment hit me hard. It wasn’t the easiest thing to hear, especially because I’ve been working so hard to improve myself and become more confident. The truth is, I know girls are attracted to guys who are self-assured, who carry themselves with so much esteem and charisma. And while I might not have that in abundance right now, I’m aware of the problem and i am actively working on it.
I have come to realize that a lot of this comes from my childhood. Back then, I didn’t see anything wrong with being reserved—it was just who I was. But now, I can see how it’s shaped my personality in ways that sometimes hold me back. Don’t get me wrong; I still think there’s value in being introspective and quiet, but I’ve also learned that balance is key. I’m optimistic that with time, I’ll get better at navigating relationships and connecting with people, especially women. I’m not looking for just anyone—I want someone who’s calm, understanding, and yes, a little sexy too. I know she’s out there, and I believe I’ll find her when the time is right.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.