Greetings!
The kind of life I'm currently living is one that I’m cautiously keeping free from anything that might tamper with my mental health, and it’s been working. I know myself—I'm a very softhearted person, and any little thing affects me emotionally and strains me a lot. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to appear differently in the sight of people in order not to reveal my true self. This is also why I quickly distance myself from friends when I begin to notice that they might lead me into overthinking, whether it’s necessary or not. No, I don’t want that in my life.
Talking about the last time I was severely strained mentally, it was during my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) program. It happened when I was made the leader of the Christian group of a highly recognized body. That was never what I wanted when I got deployed to the state. I had wanted to live a free life, like a very normal youth. But somehow, I got tied to such a position, and hey, if it were a role that came with financial payment, it would have been better. However, the reward for the task was purely heavenly, and that was one of those scenarios that made me decide I would never get involved in a voluntary service that doesn’t involve payment.
So yeah, I was leading a group of Christians, and we were all graduates. You know, there’s this contradicting bond among people who are very literate? That’s just it. There were troubles and disagreements everywhere, and I, along with some of the executive members, was constantly running up and down to resolve issues. Like I said earlier, I’m softhearted and get very committed to things entrusted to me. Every little issue disturbs me a lot, and I find it so hard to have peace of mind until it is resolved. That’s exactly what I suffered there. Those issues—usually disagreements between members, which were a regular occurrence—kept coming, and I would constantly be running here and there with a restless mind. Most times, I would come back from my place of work only to head out again on a journey, often on my way to the group’s school. Before I could relax, it would already be night or the next day.
The movements themselves weren’t really my problem. My biggest challenge was the constant disagreements and the exchange of hot words between members—words that hurt more than actions. I kept wishing for our tenure to end so we could hand over and have some peace, but it wasn’t forthcoming. In fact, the more we waited, the more issues arose that needed to be settled.
When we finally handed over, although I still had some lingering responsibilities, I made sure to keep away from most of the involvement to give myself space to think less. And yeah, my mind and body felt refreshed afterward. In fact, one of us even complimented me on how I had gained a little weight in just two weeks after leaving the position.
Till today, I still say this: I can’t put myself in a voluntary leadership position where I have to suffer mentally without receiving payment. And in the state I’m currently in, I can’t even consider a position like that, even if it comes with payment—unless I’m prepared to adopt an "I don’t care" attitude in running the role. My mental health is far too precious to me right now.
Thanks for reading.
