My principles; my code

I have different principles guiding my life. The underlying code that guides these principles is respect and emotional intelligence. I am scared to disrespect or be a reason that makes another person sad. This code is natural.

I remember an incidence when I was about 10 years old. It is in the culture of the community where I grew up to be calling a mother by the name of her first child. For example, my older brother, who happens to be my mom's first child for my dad, is the one whose name is used to call my mom. His name is Sunday, and my mom is popularly called Mama Sunday. The second thing is that in the culture of my people, a younger person doesn't call his elder by his or her first name without a prefix showing respect. Prefix such as "Aunty" before the name of an older lady, even if the age difference is just days.

On a fateful day, my mom sent me to deliver a message for a woman known as Mama Bisi. When I arrived at Mama Bisi's compound, I asked about Mama “Aunty Bisi." The men I met sitting outside the compound laughed before responding to me. I was told that Bisi is younger than me. Up until today, this is my code. I would rather honor my younger ones in a cultural tone meant for elders than mistakenly disrespect my elders.

People have taken undue advantage of this code of mine. Some people try as much as possible to cheat me because of how easy it is for me to concede during misunderstandings out of respect. In addition to this, I also strive as much as possible to make people that I meet at any point of my life have a good memory of such a meeting. People meet to part ways, but the memories of such meetings live longer. I don't want to be the cause of the sadness of another person. This has structured the way I live my life to a very large extent.

This code doesn't work all the time, but it is so natural that I can't successfully do otherwise.

A few years ago, I received a provocative vituperation from my colleague. The problem happened in such a way that everyone around knew that I didn't do anything bad to warrant the anger of my colleague. Yet he attacked me verbally and made moves for a physical fight. I was shocked about his actions. People were expecting me to retaliate to the unprovoked attacks. However, I desist from engaging him in a fight.

The following day, while addressing the issue by our boss, the staff apologized and explained how he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Something was responsible for his unwelcoming attitude earlier in the day. This was one of many cases in which I maintained a top level of maturity in the face of provocation. At the end, I would be the recipient of the apology.

Respect for everyone around me and emotional intelligence have helped me navigate through life without major relationship straining.