Staying at my brother's house with his family was an unpleasant experience. Life with my brother in his singlehood was a normal everyday livelihood, fun, and worth experiencing the next day. Everything changed two years after he got married. Everyday nagging over unnecessary things became the order of the day; the criticism on things that aren't worth it and lots of unending talk over spill tea started taking a big toll on my mental and physical health.
Staying out is being happy, and stepping in is returning to visit one problem or another. The only comfort I had was being alone. Once I'm inside, for my sanity, trying to be alone and responding when needed was my only way of escaping the sadness that roamed the entire walls of the house.
It was so obvious that it showed even in my countenance. One thing I can't do is pretend to be happy when I am not. I'm very bad at that, so.l, wearing a long face is the only non-verbal message I would use to convey the information that I am not happy.
The state I found myself in wasn't okay for me because I was slowly losing it. I needed to find a way to reclaim my happiness. But it looked very difficult, knowing I was all alone. My cousin, who was with us, left for our hometown and never returned because of the same reasons I'm battling with.
Immediately, I realized the only time I felt happy was when I stepped out of the house. That helps take my mind off the barrack I called home. When I tried going out very often, it created another problem, and I had to find another way out. Nothing was forthcoming, and the only thing was to stand my ground.
I sense my sister-in-law's attitude of treating everyone around her with disregard, trying to be manipulative and creating a scene always are what she likes. Those were lifestyles I hated—being controlled and not being free wherever I was. I needed to let her understand I needed to be happy. I wasn't a kid not to know what was expected of me and what was not expected of me.
When she sensed that, it became a problem, but I was already ready for whatever she brought to the table. Standing up for myself was completely misunderstood by her, and she termed it "I'm trying to be the "madam" of the house;" "whatever I say is what I do." I wasn't interested in her interpretation, as I remained firm in my determination.
Even with my new attitude, I understood that respect is very important. I accorded them the respect they needed and did everything expected of me to do in the house. Another thing I did was voice out. Whenever she wants to bring in unending nagging, I make sure I let her know my feelings and leave her to continue whatever she wants to say while my ears are enjoying my songs.
Another was identifying something that brought happiness to me. Listening to my favorite jams. Once I notice the house is heated, I just locate my earpod and connect straight to Boomplay.
After doing all these things, I started seeing myself happy again, unlike before. I started giviling the attitude of 'e dey sweet us and e dey pain them.' The anger could be seen all over her. I wasn't concerned, and I didn't let her notice I saw anger in her eyes. I was very happy I had the courage to stand up, sit on the seat of freedom, and restore happiness to my life.
To stop spiraling down the rabbit hole of sadness is simple. Just identify what brings happiness to you. Learn to know when to say no and yes to things. Don't allow anyone to control your life because that is where your well-being and happiness or sadness begin. Follow the right steps and be the boss of yourself. Let people understand you are matured enough to do things without being shouted at or forced to do them at their own time and will.
Sometimes, we are not privileged to live with people who allow us to enjoy freedom and be happy. When we find ourselves in a toxic atmosphere that welcomes only sadness, standing strong to fight for happiness becomes very important. The battle for that might not be easy, but starting with things that work is a stepping stone to becoming triumphant.
