I think this might read like a joke, but it really isn't. My flight might have been the worse I will ever experience in my life. It started with a left foot, and it ended with a broken leg.

Boarding at 6:30?

More like 8:40 actually, because between the gate changing and nobody finding the keys (this part is a joke, I think), the delay was stupidly stupid.

I would find out a little later why the crazy delay, but at this point in time everyone there is beginning to lose their mind. More so because this meant we wouldn't get to Ecuador until 3 am or even later, and who wants to arrive to a dangerous city at that time.

We are finally onboard

The flight attendant decides that she wants all of us to remove all the backpacks from the top compartment. The idea being that those who are traveling with backpacks did not pay for the storage on the top, thus we are not entitled to it.

This lady, that for the sake of the story I will call Madea due to the similarity in tone and demeanor. Began pulling the backpacks herself and threatening people to call security to remove the bag if the owner did not identify themselves.

This went on for about 30 minutes or so. The Captain is saying that he needs our collaboration to get done with everything so we can go.

At this point, a latecomer gets onboard and he's got headphones bumping.

He, like the heretic evildoer that Apple pod users always seem to be, was smiling; I assume he was just happy he made it to the flight. When the heretic took it upon himself to put his backpack on the top storage. Madea let him have it and then some.

People got angry at this point, and starting booing...

Madea shortly leaves but...

Hey, the Captain says, we can't take off with everyone holding all these packages on their legs. They need to be stored.

So, an elderly man who is probably a few months away from retirement says on the speaker to please stay seated that he will personally place all the items in the top storage again.

Right about when his arms are giving out, he's done with his workout and the pointless exercise of dominance displayed by Madea reaches it's inevitable conclusion.

Hurry up and wait...

Now we are ready to go, but we need to wait for permish. You see, delays still have to be coordinated with the tower and thus we can't just carry on. We stayed close to the take-off track for 15 min or so before we got approved.

Yes, we are finally flying, but...

The latecomer was seated on the wrong seat, and guess what. The latecomer, the heretic, is a big boy, Bigger than yours truly. AND, guess what. His correct seat is next to me.

They make him move, we are both sitting sideways to be able to fit, because as you might know, the seats on Spirit planes are smaller than the seats on the cheapest of public buses. No, as a matter of fact, the Buses here in Ecuador are leagues above the seats on the Spirit planes.

About 20 minutes go by, and the heretic begins snoring and leaning towards me.

This is not going to fly, even though we are technically in the air.

I get up...

The nice young lady working the back is closest, I need to use whatever charm I can muster.

Turns out, I barely understand her.

She speaks Spanish like the daughter of a Puerto Rican family that has lived in NY for three generations, and when we switched to English, hoping to communicate more effectively (I prefer it myself), she sounded like she never left the island.

I think her co-workers know of this peculiar skill she has; to speak loudly and say nothing, so, the elderly almost retired man approaches our conversation in haste.

After explaining to him how nobody is going to pay for my chiropractor, he accepts his fate. The most flawed eye-o-meter can see that me and Heretic are not meant to sit next to each other so he agrees to move my sitting.

Finally....

Up in the air, due to arrive too late for anyone to come get me, but on my way.

I fell asleep for a minute, don't even know how that happened.

We landed and the real fun began

It's three in the morning and everyone is destroyed. Both emotionally and physically. I feel drunk, but it comes from being exhausted and not from a good scotch.

We made it out to the baggage claim, and stood there for about a good 30 minutes with nothing happening.

Three sad bags come out. A lady grabs one, a gentleman the other two, and the belt stops.

Surprise!!! Fuck your bags

What?

We are informed at 4am all the bags are back in florida and we won't be getting any.

Please make the fuck your bags line right here....

Announced the Spirit employee, as he prepared to hear about his gruesome death in the near future by a few people who were losing their shit. The police got called.

I remained calm, but visibly bothered...

Did I get my bags?

Yes, I did. two days later... I got them right now, they came on another plane, another plane who just told their passengers their bags are shit and are back in Florida too.

You see... it wasn't a mistake, they are behind on the bags, and thus have to shank people with the lie of delays and bullshit to sneak the "priority bags" on the planes.

How does that even happen??????????

But, to add the turd on the cherry

After getting my bags and now being thoroughly checked by customs, I learnt, that because of this "unusual" way of shopping in Florida (the season, I know); Customs in Ecuador is being very detailed.

I had nothing for commerce, just my nerdy stuff. But, I did run into a guy who was having to fork 4k in penalties for doing all his Christmas shopping on Black Friday!

YAAAAY!!!!

Oh, btw... they are Bankrupt

According to the news. So maybe the ineptness comes from the fact that there are no fucks to give, since everyone is about to get fired.

At any rate, happy to be home... but exhausted

MenO