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Kindle the golden glow and warm up the spirit
It’s been a festive season here recently with Diwali over just some time back and I kept getting one message through various ways to ignite the light in the darkness, and be the shining star in the dark sky.
Cartoonist Satish Acharya's Illustration, his twitter link here>>
October is always Special for me because it’s both my birthday and hive birthday month. This year was a milestone because I turned 40 as well.
As my birthday arrived, I felt old, like I had lived too long and achieved nothing. It took me a week to get used to the fact that I was 40!
@hivebuzz notification of my 6th Hive Birthday!
Remembering one off and on, instead of letting one evaporate from one’s life
It was a touching thought that however much I ever try to keep distance from my few acquaintances and friends, they think of me. I had refrained from wishing one of my friends happy birthday, feeling it won’t be needed, she has others to wish and celebrate it with anyway.
Yet she wished me when my b’day popped up. I had to tell her that I did not forget her birthday, it's just I want to stay off the radar from everyone. She said she expected me to wish her because she always knew I do remember her birthdays.
AI generated image using https://designer.microsoft.com/
Then I connected with her, and revealed my pain and sorrows, and even sobbed. Yet, I understood that she also had her battles with a divorce, and when I saw that others too have their life’s struggles, my tears dried down, as I heard her story and contemplated her struggles. However, for her, divorce actually meant freedom, release from being associated with a bad marriage and I told her to celebrate!
Another person, kept messaging me on and off. We knew each other a bit earlier, but when one gets busy in life, we erase people who we are not in constant touch with.
However, this person refused to vanish. When I did receive a message from him on September, I could not refrain from remembering that his birthday fell that month and wished him so. It was a surprise that he remembered my birthday as well! Obviously, it's something that people still think of you, even if you try to stay away from them.
Perhaps if I should die, there might be souls who feel sad, not that I want them to. If I die, I want everyone to move on, without wasting their while thinking of me when I am dead.
Yet, it’s nice to know that when I am alive people think of me, few but still.
I have been miserable many times this year, but something or other pops up to cheer me up again. I feel fortunate that I have so many things to make me smile.
Early road slope climbing the mountain of old age
AI generated image using https://designer.microsoft.com/
If these 2 were not enough, I had my younger cousin sister wish me too, she said I really don’t need to feel old, age is just a number.
However, I told her, when your 40, your on the first sloping road of the mountain of old age. But it’s just a start of a sloping road, and I was told by her that then I should be open to enjoy the journey! It would still be exciting!
My growth as a writer in Hive this year is not much
Again these people see light inside of me. It's often said that you should not bother about what others think about you. I have loads of people thinking badly of me and gossiping about me behind my back, but I also got few who think good of me, even though those good opinions of me is not entirely true, but I can’t tell them so.
This year started for me with a complete breakdown, physical and mental but I eventually gained the strength to do what I could with my life. I kept writing in Hive, although in Web3, crypto I have not been able to gain enough insights this year.
Lots of developments have taken place in the space that I could not keep pace with!
I had very less time to focus properly on Blockchain, and am lagging behind not having upgraded my understanding on the evolved aspects of Blockchain.
This year I have written mostly on disturbing dark political happenings, as the journalist spirited activist in me flared, writing about controversial matters, so my articles were not popular as it was viewed as controversial.
Yet, I learned about new realities like media propaganda, election manipulation, EVM fraud, corruption, fake news, hate speech, centralisation of financial system managed by political bigwigs etc. The experience has been enriching. This passion kept some flame in me alive!
Navigating the Shadows: My Journey Through Depression
AI generated image using https://designer.microsoft.com/
However, I fell into the dark abyss of depression. It’s that state of mind, where you can’t focus on work as well, thinking of negative things playing in your mind, crying silently. You don’t feel like doing anything, you feed on pain. You get used to being miserable.
I won’t delve into the reasons for this, but inspite my depression I did not stop my habit of exercising and meditating.
I began journaling to vent off my frustrated feelings. I continued to do what I am passionate about, following news stories which these days has been dramatic and entertaining like a thriller web series!
Took a tough step of integrating with the outside world when I was down in depression
Yet, I often got hit by strong bouts of depression, I really felt I needed to be put on psychiatric medications.
But, unexpected things happened. In my depressed State I went to Tech Write Pro’s technical writing conference.
I had severe headache, and problems leaving the house on time due to cat troubles with both my cats being on fighting terms. My time initially was miserable there, because of travel stress, missing route, arriving late along with the after-effects of depression where everything around even if interesting looked dull and bland.
My identity of being a Web3 writer still echos strong in the chambers!
Still, in the Networking session when I introduced myself to others telling them I am a Web3 writer and enjoy it because it covers the exciting and evoling world Blockchain technology, finance, economy; others saw the passion in me and suggested that I should give a talk on this in the next Conference.
Again, people seeing light in me, I could not tell them, I am more a recreational writer, not taken off professionally. Most of the people actually would see me as a failure.
This is the notebook and pen that was provided to all attendees to take notes from the sessions. A thoughtful memento, that would be useful for us writers.
Welcoming reception from a Group for Technical Writers
I attended an informal Zoom Job meet up arranged by Tech Write Pro community where Technical Writing hiring managers and job aspirants had a session. I had provided a summary of the meeting and provided tips for job aspirants based on what was shared on the meetup on their wats up group.
Next day, so many people said the summary was brilliant, it felt like they attended the meeting reading my post!
Everyone is seeing some light in me, again and again. And obviously this motivates me to do what I can writing, reading, writing, learning, writing, exploring.
Infact when I logged on to the Zoom meeting the main person leading Tech Write Pro’s events greeted me warmly remembering me from the Conference. It was nice to be well regarded just for being part of the group.
I have provided my reference for the person managing the Tech Write Pro Community in Linkid, and got thanked for the sincere and kind words expressed in the reference.
Since Oct, I am not that depressed too. I don’t feel old too anymore.
You can read my experience attending the Tech Write Pro Conference in my Linkid article here –
Reflections on last week’s Spicy Docs Conference of 31/08/2024
Also here is Linkid reference I have provided for the Tech Write Pro Organiser that others can check to learn about this group!
I am now a volunteer, adding value to the art of writing including technical writing, sharing my insights with the group in watsup when I get one.
Guidance from others in times of despair – a big help!
One of the pains I had to deal with is managing my cats, whose 1 year anniversary of turning into hostile enemies from bosom friends happened this October as well.
I seeked help from a cat therapist too living in Germany free of cost. She told me to be strong that she understands my situation, and told me she’s there to help the best way she can. I am in a Cat wats up group as well, where we keep sharing Cat care related insights, experiences, tips and stories.
These wats up groups entertain me as well, when I am bored, I check out all conversations shared in both Tech Write Pro and Cat Puurfect group.
I feel gratitude for the help and guidance I receive from good intensioned people this way, and when chance arises I share their tips to others facing same troubles.
My identity built on things I am passionate about!
Cats have been my integral part of life for 8 years, and I consider my cat Garu as my child, as he came into my life the time I might have become a actual mother if I got married to a man I got engaged before but I broke it off. I get new connections and materials to write on due to my cats still.
I had written review articles for stakers cat products – a cat tree and hammock, and got much appreciated for it as well. I keep in touch with the lady and another person, as I contacted them having difficulties in assembling their innovatively designed products.
My identity as a Web3, cat person with a following of doggy friends has grown strong these years!
This is true, but my passion for writing not only keeps me alive, it’s what gives me my dignity, confidence, it’s a way I have earned self-respect!
I am glad people see me as a sincere, truthful, hardworking and deeply passionate writer and I have to agree this is true.
Shedding off the ugly skin to let the radiant skin grow in you and become you!
In my misery I see myself as a loser, a loner, someone who does not deserve respect, love, recognision. But now, so many are telling me indirectly, its ok, you do good things as well.
They say you should not bother what others think of you, but it’s hard to shrug off good things people think of you!
This only shows that world has a lot of good, in form of good, kind and compassionate people. I am humbled by this.
It only inspires me to develop myself better, use my energy to do my stuff which others appreciate. Perhapes I have some space in this world and I am not an outcast? Shrugs!
Darkness will fail to choke off light within you, if you keep the flame alive! Power up this flame!
Another friend I share political stories with (that no one otherwise likes to listen), told me that her grandma told that even if you don’t achieve anything, it’s ok as long as you don’t harm others.
I am sure I have harmed others in small ways, I seek their forgiveness but I always strive each day to be a better person, and I will keep striving till I am alive.
Here's a song to show what I feel like in this aspect - called 'Better Man' by Robbie Williams -
I have to thank my few friends who refuse to acknowledge the darkness inside of me, and see the light in me and want this light to be radiantly glowing.
They put balm to my pain, when I seem to be sprinkling salt to my wounds and not letting them heal.
Embracing Unseen Qualities and Finding Light in Darkness
There are some qualities that money can’t buy as you earn genuine recognition in form of respect for your talent, skill, thoughts, opinions, passion, dedication and stance. They strengthen you with courage, determination, passion, motivation. May everyone sharpen those noble qualities within them, igniting the light with the power to vanquish the darkness within you! Amen!
Everyone deserves another chance!
Thank you for reading my long and personal post!
*My article can also be found in other platforms I post my content on-: *
Hive — https://ecency.com/hive-150329/@mintymilecan
Publish0x — https://www.publish0x.com/@greenchic
Medium — https://medium.com/@kikctikcy
t2World — https://app.t2.world/
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