Selflessness is something I always preach about to others. But, little did I realize that in my quest to make someone’s day better with a little act of kindness , I was forgetting to be kind to myself. I value my family a lot and being the person that I am, once I have the means to help my family, I will do it without a second thought.
I’ve been working for a while now. The money is not much, but it’s okay to cater for a few of my needs. As soon as I take my pay, the first thing I think of is my family and by the time it hits me, I have no money left for myself. I once told my friend I didn’t have money just a day after being payed and what he asked me was, what did you do with the money. I started by saying I gave out this amount of money to my sister for this and this amount to this person and so on. After I was done giving a breakdown he told me, what are you going to do now. I was quiet for a while and what followed next was, you can’t give what you don’t have.
My family is not struggling, they eat three times a day, get their bills payed for and even have some extra cash. Yet, here I was, sending literally everything I worked for in a month to people who didn’t need it as much as I did. I don’t eat three times a day, but I send money to people who eat three times a day. Funny right?
It’s actually not bad to give to your loved ones but, I didn’t realize I wasn’t being fair to myself. It’s not that I wish to suffer. Maybe I’m just too kind I forget to treat myself better and I think this part of my life needs a huge transformation. My finances have been a mess and I’ve been struggling a lot, but since I decided to give what I have and not give what I don’t have, life has started being better for me.
For a long time now, I would say I’ve been scared to let go of people . I probably knew that, but I guess I just didn’t want to come to terms with it. I’m not a people’s person and so, the few people I have in my life are ones I cherish a lot. But sometimes, people do change and being around toxic people isn’t something healthy for any one at all. Yet, here I was , years deep in, hanging out with toxic people and losing my sanity in the process. I wasn’t even listening to people who saw what was going on. Until one day, I something just clicked and it all dawned on me.
I was putting myself out there, filling others cups while emptying mine and literally killing myself for others who wouldn’t even come through for me. But, I realised that, less is more. There’s more to gain from having one person who impacts your life than having a billion people who have no impact in your life. People come and go, and sometimes we have to make the hard decisions for ourselves and us only.
At this age, I’ve realized that , employing minimalism in my finances and relationships is very important and I believe this transformation would be of great benefit to my life and growth as an individual cos at the end of the day, I’m all I’ve got. So, I’ve been taking this journey as slow as I can, one step at a time and I’m finally seeing the changes. Life is better now and I’m finally starting to have my peace of mind while working on my finances.
all images belong to me.
