Stephanie's unorganized morning routines.

in #hive-1707989 days ago

Stephanie woke up late, still feeling tired and wanting to sleep even more, but she had big exams that day. An exam that will determine if she can further to college or not, so it was indeed a big day for Stephanie. She spent almost all night studying, and her parents were happy for how far she had come; she never liked school and only wanted to do music and was keen on pursuing her drama, but her parents managed to convince her to go to school, so seeing her make progress in school is something to be really happy for. "Stephanie, breakfast is ready, and you know you have a big day ahead." Her mom called out from downstairs, sending Stephanie into a state of higgledy-piggledy.

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Stephanie jumped out of bed, rushed to take a shower, and afterwards just put on any clothes her hands could grab from the wardrobe alongside her favorite pink sweater, which she called her lucky charm and she needed it for the exams she is about to write. She grabbed her backpack and rushed downstairs, forgetting to zip up her backpack, which made her spill books and papers all over the stairs and house.

"Stephanie, for the past few weeks you have been so unorganized; you are easily pushed into a state of higgledy-piggledy; you have a bad timing habit that needs to be dealt with." Her mom said, nodding her head, but she cannot be mad at her since they all like the new change seeing her want to make progress in school.

"Mom, I will work on my bad timing habit; as you already know, I am making a lot of progress, so I will take it one step at a time." Stephanie responded as she stuffed her books and papers back in her backpack.

"What do you even need all these books and papers for?" Her mom asked

"My friends and I always revise before going into the exam hall; these papers would help me revise." Stephanie responded

Stephanie rushed downstairs and immediately picked up a slice of toasted bread and immediately jammed it in her mouth as she chewed it in a hurry. Looking at her wristwatch, she realized she would miss the bus if she did not leave that moment. Immediately, she stretched her hands to grab the lunch box her mom had packed for her and immediately rushed out. Stephanie's mom always had to wait until Stephanie had gone out before she cleaned the kitchen because of how messy Stephanie always leaves the kitchen after having breakfast; it was like her morning routine.

"Steph, don't forget your school fee receipt because I am not driving to bring anything you forget to you as I will be going to the market the moment you step out." Stephanie's mom shouted as Stephanie was rushing towards the door.

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Immediately Stephanie remembered she needed her school fee receipt and dashed towards the table, and among a higgledy-piggledy pile of papers, she managed to grab her school fee receipt. "Thanks mom. I love you, and have a nice day." Stephanie shouted as she headed out in a haste to catch the bus.

Stephanie managed to arrive at school a few minutes before the start of exams, and her friends, who are already tired of complaining about her bad timing habit, just kept looking at her for a few minutes and then got back to revising their notes since many students believe that those few minutes of reading before exams are very important; they did not want anything to disrupt that.

Despite having a higgledy-piggledy start to the day, Stephanie passed her exams and had many college options to choose from which made her parents even more happy.

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hello @offia66. A few things to consider for your next piece, based on a read of this story:

You need to edit your work to check for issues with grammar and punctuation. You can use Grammarly to do these simple checks but ensure you don't use any of their more advanced AI editing features as they are not sanctioned by The Ink Well.

Your piece drifts back and forth in time in a way that becomes distracting after a while as it starts to create an issue with your timelines. eg: you can't have Stephanie come down the stairs twice when she hasn't gone back upstairs in between. It's not possible. You also shift between past and present tense within individual sentences. Choose a tense and stick to it otherwise it becomes jarring for the reader.

You tend to repeat thoughts and ideas throughout the piece by saying the same thing more than once in different words. This creates a laboured pace and makes it feel like the story may be stalling.

Your piece is also on the short side and, as is so often is the case with very short pieces, suffers from underdevelopment. In this piece we are introduced to Stephanie and her mom. We learn that Stephanie is generally disorganised but has decided to focus on school. She has an exam and races through her morning routine in order to catch the bus on time and get to her exam before it starts. If you want your reader to be invested in your main character then you need to share how she feels about her situation. We know she would rather be pursuing music and drama because you told us. You need to show us. Share her emotions with us about her passions through the five senses. Share her resistance to school. What did her parents say and do that convinced her that school was a better choice for now? What subjects did she choose to study and why? Let the reader in.

Take a look at the following Show, Don't Tell article in The Ink Well, and also Reveal Everything and Nothing

We look forward to seeing what you bring us next🙂

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