How not to Make a Villain

The experiences we go through—we get to define how they influence our lives. It's ultimately our choice to decide. That toxic relationship with someone, that feeling of being unseen, even rejection from parents or whatever it may be—what have you created from the pain?

In a conversation with a brother, we shared experiences about lecturers that intentionally fail students simply because someone else did it to them in their days. And many of such lecturers would even be open about it, knowing there's almost nothing the students can do other than to deal with it.

Why continue that vicious cycle of hate? The one who even did you dirty in your days probably had someone else do the same to them. And then your resolution is to pass down that same pain. How sad. Because of you, someone misses some grade points despite having worked tirelessly for excellence.

Hurt people hurt people. But it doesn't have to be that way. Couldn't hurt people help other people not feel hurt? If you're not creating solutions, then don't create more problems. The world doesn't need any more of that.

We make mistakes. Sometimes, we land with the wrong types of people for us as partners in relationships. Perhaps the relationship was toxic. Maybe you felt unloved. Probably only heaven knows how many times you have had to second-guess yourself and lose your sanity. You're out now. What are you going to do about it? Someone else will come along, and you may start a relationship with them. Are you then going to be exactly what you hated?

Being unseen. Bullied, rejected, belittled, underestimated—whatever it may be. It can hurt. Being made to feel unseen can influence how you see yourself. You're surely going to do something with that experience. What's it going to be?

Perhaps you were single-parented, not by the inevitable but because you were abandoned and left alone to your now single parent. It can break one. Heck, maybe it even broke you and distorted your view of relationships, family, or even your own worth. That kind of hurt digs deep, yet you still get to choose what to do with it. If anything at all, you know exactly what not to do as a parent, so you don't make another broken you.

Hurt people hurt people. But it doesn't have to be that way. You could save other people from going through what you did and make life way less chaotic than it already is. Nobody needs to feel your pain. Your pain shouldn't define you; rather use it to fuel a path where you conciously decide to show up for those you love in a way you wish someone had shown up for you.

Energy can neither be destroyed nor created; it is only converted. So what have you created from the pain? You get to write your own story. And remember, not all heroes wear capes, and all villains have an origin story.