Coming from a culture where the postpartum period revolves around family as well as the community, I still give a second thought about whether this is the best comforting environment for the mother or not!
There's no doubt that the baby gets the best care but when we talk specifically about the mother, who might be going through postpartum or even not some anxiety and need time to cope; family and community can create a hard time.
We can do so many things for the new mom, whether we are family, friends, or neighbors. But we still haven't built the best system. We often create such an environment that it isolates the new mom and is sometimes helpless.
There can be many things we can do but before that, we need to learn what not to do too. That's where we need to change, otherwise, this same circle will go long just like it's going generation after generation.
Building a support system not for the child but for the mother.
A new mom, no matter how many times she became a mother always needed help; loud and clear.
If you can't help actively, try to do other things like send her homecooked meals, and help with house chores if not possible then send a cleaner to her house.
At least for the first month or two, give the mother time to heal and take care of other things so she can breathe.
Ensuring a friendly environment.
When I started my writing with 'a second thought' on our support system, I meant that it is creating a judgment-free environment for the new mom.
I often see people say unnecessary things to the mom, to hurt her, or if not then make her uncomfortable while they were taking care of the baby.
As a mom of two grown-ups, I know this very well. And I say that, it's better not to go to support the new mom if you can't shut your mouth.
Community Support.
Back in the day, people used to take the baby to the doctor or for vaccination while the mom could rest at home. Now because of our social system, it's not in action anymore.
It would be awesome if we could rely on someone, our neighbors to do some small things for newborns or the mothers. I'm not sure how it can be done as there are trust issues and after the pandemic, it's different now.
However, our extended family, and religious institute can build a system and give support. But we need to come closer as a society to do that.
Help from the partner.
Can I say it loudly that men need to act up?
Help your partner, and your wife during this time. You can be the one that can make her feel the best. Do some house chores, help feed the baby if needed, sleep the baby, do something.
If the mom is not getting sleep and you as a partner is have 7/8 hours of sleep then remember, you are doing something wrong!
Normalize the mess and help in mental health.
A new mom, their home would be a mess. She would be overwhelmed, she might not talk gently, but it's okay.
Remember your time, and how you felt as a mom and now give the new mom time to adjust. Don't judge, help if possible, talk with her about postpartum, help her deal with the baby blue if possible, and send her to the doctor if needed.
What I'm trying to say is that, I as a member of the society have some role. I'm mom, I'm aunt, I'm neighbor. Remember, you are too to someone. Fulfill the role as much as you can. If you can't do anything, at least, don't judge and make the mom more uncomfortable.
My children are now grown-ups. But I would be a grandmother one day so I say this to myself, change should come with me. I never want to continue the same toxic things to our future generations.
This may help me to understand and learn to do better as well.
Your @peacefulsoul
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