Sometimes, when I’m lonely, I feel like I’m in need of a relationship and there are times when I think about my past experiences and it makes me sad all the time because of what I’ve gone through. I keep blowing hot and cold when it comes to having myself in a relationship. It isn’t my fault. My previous experiences ruined that. I might haven’t gone through a lot to you but those experiences has affected me in a way that I don’t think I currently want to have anything to do with a man right now. Why not let us indulge into my story so you’d know why I keep blowing hot and cold about a relationship.
Gaining admission into the University has always been my dream. A lot of people have the dream of going to parties and all of those but I really wanted to study. The aim was to be a renowned actress in the world after I finish the Theatre and Media Arts course I went to study at the University. Unfortunately, I had so many distractions when I got to school. It would have been better if they were multiple distractions but no, they were all just a phase of distraction and was mostly about men. I was too beautiful. I wasn’t just beautiful, I had the best shape, dressed well, neat and every other quality which can make you impressed when you meet a woman at the first time.
These guys were coming too much and I found it hard to neglect all coupled with the fact that I was already liking some of them. I learned in the University that the relationship we used to have while we were in high school is totally different from the one in tertiary institutions.
How would you have a boyfriend and not have any form of romanticism or s*X with him? It may exist but very rare in this world that we live in.
I began the relationship with the first guy and it was sad that it didn’t last three months. He had a girlfriend but came to me because they were having issues and as soon as they resolved the issue, he went back to her. He wasn’t even thinking about how I’d feel. Honestly, I felt bad and cursed him.
In the space of three months, I met another guy at the club. We begun the relationship after a few weeks of meeting and tats the best I’ve ever had till date. He gave me everything I wanted but as a little girl with a little experience and who also wanted to explore, I left him and that was when things began to get ruined.
I kept on meeting guys who only wanted to have fun with me. Sometimes, they come straight and I was never gonna accept such but some come to tell me lies that they want us to be in a relationship and then have fun for a short time and runaway from me. It was becoming too much and I lost hope in relationship. I didn’t even want to hear about it anymore.
I gave myself a break thinking things would have changed. After a year, I met another guy, Alexis. Alexis is a cute thirty year old man and has a decent job. To an extent, he’s doing well for himself and can also provide me with all that I need.
He pleaded with me and even went to my friends to plead with me so we can have a relationship. Honestly, it’s been a while since a man begged me that way. I decided to dance to his tunes and see if this relationship will be stable. He has a job and I had mine too so things were going well and I go to spend almost every weekend with him, cook for him, go out, have fun and do every other thing.
Would you believe that Alexis is the eighth guy I’d ever meet? Isn’t it tiring at twenty three?
One day, Alexis and I had a little issue and we stopped talking. He was fond of that so I promised not to ever talk to him again. I hadn’t seen my period for over two weeks and a friend advised me to visit the hospital to run a pregnancy test. I did that and discovered I was pregnant. I called Alexis and everything changed totally. Alexis said I’m full of drama and he would not like to raise a child with me. I asked him;
You knew I was dramatic but kept on having things with me?
He asked me to find a solution to the pregnancy because he didn’t want it and still didn’t give me a dime. I was sad and regretted my life. I called a friend and she called a nurse for me. I’m sorry to tell you all that I aborted the pregnancy. The process was damn painful and I’m glad I didn’t lose my life.
Alexis never texted me to know if I’m good and I texted him after two weeks. I wrote to him and said;
I’d never do this to my biggest enemy. Neglecting me shows how much you detest me. May the good Lord reward you
I blocked him and never wanted to know if he responded or not. I pray I never meet a man like Alexis in my life anymore.
I still went back to my ex but the story was a sad one too.
If you keep asking me to be in a relationship, I’d keep blowing hot and cold for now.
Sometimes, I feel relationship is not for me so I just shun everything that has to do with it or whatever I hear about it. Sometimes I want it because I’m lonely, sometimes I don’t want it because of what I’ve been through in the past. While writing about my past experiences now, I don’t want it and tomorrow may come, I may want it.
