There are many ways external experiences can influence us to change but more often than not, the final decision is left with our own internal agency.
That's why people say change can only come from inside or that you can't change people but you can be a role model that influences them to change.
I think life is generous in that regard because it gives us a couple of chances to transform ourselves before it "forces" us to transform.
We may indeed have free will after all, despite the deterministic views some hold about life's outcomes or the external pressures that seem to dictate our paths.
Now, it's not uncommon for external experiences to more or less keep repeating themselves and it's quite common for us as individuals to not be aware or heed the pattern or cycle of repeated experiences.
For example, a person can repeatedly enter relationships with similar types of partners, experiencing the same type of issues (like trust or communication problems), without recognizing that they are actually the common denominator in these dynamics.
I think the disconnect is in focusing more outward than inward, as in our tendency to attribute these patterns to external circumstances rather than internal responses or decisions.
A relatively good rule of thumb is that if it happens once, it may never happen again. But if it happens twice, it'll probably happen again.
I think one point of view to look at such patterns is to consider these as reflective surfaces showing us parts of ourselves that need change or development.
As Within, So Without
Experientially, I view repeated experiences as a chance of adjusting my own approach towards a particular outcome, refine my understanding of it, and then reinvent a more effective way of interacting with the world.
Perhaps a good analogy is debugging a program: you identify the error (the recurring pattern), analyze its cause (our internal responses), and rewrite the code (change our behavior or perspective).
Of course, it may sound simple in theory but a key to leveraging these repeated experiences for actual desired change is in cultivating some level of self-awareness. Out of sight, out of mind is our innate ability to ignore patterns we don't consciously observe.
"Re-invention through iteration" is a packed way of saying we're constantly shaped by experience(iteration) and guided by internal agency(re-invention).
I may understand why life is relatively hard, it's because we may never have a chance to grow and transform if it was relatively easy. And experiences can be seen as a gentle nudge to transform ourselves.
One of the main frictions of life that I keep on noticing is the ongoing dialogue between our internal world and the external experiences that challenge and shape it.
When life offers multiple chances for self-transformation and we didn't take any of them. It eventually "forces" change to happen. Now, this "forcing" might manifest as significant setbacks, crises, or even health problems. Given that so much of that is generally present in our world, one could argue that life is generally forcing us to change collectively.
However, even these forceful interventions can be viewed within the framework of iteration. Because they represent a more intense, perhaps even painful, iteration, forcing a more profound self-assessment and significant re-invention.
The lesson here is to learn and adapt before life intervenes so forcefully and recognizing our own agency in this process is crucial.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.
