In life, there are things one wants to do and there are things one has to do. These two may not always be one and the same thing.
For the most part, they're like polar opposites to me. For example, I may want to sleep in till 12 pm on weekends but I have to be awake before 8 am.
Arguably, one could say what we have to do is always more important than what we want to do. And I wholeheartedly agree with that, since wantings are mostly like the wind, unstable and always moving.
But there's also this whole aspect of 'downplaying wants', deeming them as unimportant and superficial which often leads to a mechanical experience of life. Life devoid of its aliveness, stripped off its essence and spontaneity.
If this experience is a roadway, then there's a big pothole down the road called 'identity crisis', where you just fall into the pothole and lose your sense of self.
You find yourself adrift in a sea of expectations, obligations, and societal norms, unable to distinguish between what truly matters to you and what you've been conditioned to believe matters.
A Fragile Patchwork
I think a root of this aspect of identity crisis is in the blurred line between genuine necessities and socially imposed "have-to-dos".
Right from our childhood, we internalize external expectations, unconsciously adopting them as our own and these gradually erode our authentic selves, replacing our innate desires and aspirations with a facade of "societal acceptability".
For example, how many of our daily actions are truly essential versus how many are merely habitual or expected. I mean, do we really "have to" check our phones first thing in the morning, or is it a behavior we've absorbed from our environment?
Do we "have to" pursue a certain career path, or is it what we've been told is respectable and secure?
Usually, a constant prioritization of externally imposed "have-to-dos" over an intrinsic "want-to-dos" gives birth to a profound disconnection from our authentic selves, i.e feeling lost.
Experientially, this is akin to being a chameleon that adapts to its environment but loses its own unique colors in the process.
Our identity becomes a patchwork of borrowed behaviors, beliefs and expectations subconsciously accumulated from the environment around us.
Interestingly, this is how most social structures are built, a patchwork of intricate yet delicate interconnections and you only need to pull one thread for almost everything to fall apart.
But I guess on the other side of every crisis is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. If only we could just unrestrictedly let go of the old and make enough room for the new.
This process of letting go is both liberating and terrifying, since it requires a person to question their deeply ingrained habits and beliefs, to challenge the status quo of their own lives.
Basically, looking at oneself objectively, from a third person's point of view.
To some, this seems quite impossible and is similar to trying to know what your face looks like without the help of a mirror.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.
