I have always liked Alec Benjamin’s songs. I liked listening to Let Me Down Slowly and The Devil Doesn't Bargain. One of his songs that stood out for me though is If I Killed Someone For You. I discovered this song when I was going through a phase of inward battles and identity crisis. As a teenager then, there was always the burden of peer pressure and trying to appear cool. Trying to fit in to what my peers thought was the norm. I never really did fit or adapt to their way of thinking. I found it difficult to and it was better to just be myself. Of course there were times I would have crushes on this people I termed 'cool' then. But to impress them or get their attention, I would have to give up writing or reading books. It made me feel conflicted and I just couldn't. It was not that easy for me to say no to peer pressure but I did. I have seen friends and acquaintances give in to peer pressure and just change in all their being and entirety that they become so unrecognizable. I think that's part of the message If I Killed Someone For You is trying to pass across.
Alec Benjamin was basically telling us a story through this song. This song is basically about symbolism. A story that can be related to in different ways because it is art. The song starts with the protagonist taking in the aftermath of his actions. He has killed someone. He’s sorry but he doesn't regret it because he did it for a girl he loves. He cleans up the mess and the blood and decides to go to her house. He’s not sure how she would take it. He’s not sure if she would accept him and cover up for him when the news of his killing is broadcast. He wonders if she would love him more and hold his hands if he killed someone for her, which he has already done. He gets to her house but she doesn't recognize him. He tries to persuade her to let him in because it's him. He wants to explain his actions to her but he needs a place to hide. When she finally let's him in, he tells her that the person he has killed is himself. He has changed himself in all his entirety for her and he asks her the great question. Would she accept him the way he is now? Would she love him more now that he has killed his true self for her? He tells her there is no turning back.
For me, this song just represents the struggle we go through inwardly in trying to conform to the standards of other people or trying to fit the perfection people we love asks of us. Sometimes, we often downplay ourselves in a bid to appear likable or pleasing to people. We reduce our standards, change parts of us so we can be more acceptable to society. We perform actions we would rather not do because we want to please other people. I saw a tweet yesterday that a man made. He said that he liked crunchy peanut butter while his wife liked smooth peanut butter. Then he said that he had not had crunchy peanut butter in sixteen years. I know this might come off as an unequal instance but what does it say? Cutting off things because we deem it more important to please and satisfy those we love. There are times when compromises can be reached and individuality is needed. I'm sure that those we love might actually just accept us the way we are, just the way we have accepted them.
It leads to the great question, “After all the changes you have made in a bid to fit in or conform to standards, do you feel accepted and recognized? Do you feel worthy and of value? Food for thought.
