β¦ It is said that the most important gifts the gods gave us are wisdom and friendship - Collage & Edition in FotoJet, photos by @Tesmoforia β¦
πͺπΈ ~ Armando cajas para almacenar una torre de telas que tengo mal almacenadas y cuya clasificaciΓ³n se perdiΓ³ hace tiempo en el tifΓ³n de la emociΓ³n de un nuevo proyecto, hoy me encuentro reflexionando sobre la amistad.
Pensando en eso y otras preguntas, me doy cuenta que me hubiera gustado que me explicaran muchas cosas acerca de la amistad cuando era niΓ±a.
Advertencias, mas que todo. Pero no todos saben advertir adecuadamente y una advertencia puede sonar mas a un regaΓ±o, y a todos nos disgusta el regaΓ±o inmerecido.
Asi que hoy quiero compartirte unas reflexiones sobre la amistad, sobre la ayuda que te ofrecen, los favores y cΓ³mo cuidarte e identificar la manipulaciΓ³n.
πΊπΈ ~ Putting together boxes to store a tower of fabrics that I have poorly stored and whose classification was lost long ago in the typhoon of excitement of a new project, today I find myself reflecting on friendship.
Thinking about that and other questions, I realize I wish I had had a lot of things explained to me about friendship when I was a kid.
Warnings, most of all. But not everyone knows how to warn properly and a warning can sound more like a scolding, and we all dislike undeserved scolding.
So today I want to share with you some reflections on friendship, about the help you are offered, the favors and how to take care of yourself and identify manipulation.
 |  |
|---|
β¦ "La sinceridad como pilar fundamental" β¦
Desde mi perspectiva que por supuesto no es absoluta y seguro debo educar mΓ‘s, la buena amistad comienza con la existencia de la sinceridad de las intensiones, tambiΓ©n con un cariΓ±o/aprecio genuino y espontΓ‘neo donde ambas partes son consientes de sus conductas y comportamientos, es decir, que existe un reconocimiento y aprecio hacia la otra persona, y por ende su bienestar y felicidad son importantes para ti.
From my perspective, which of course is not absolute and for sure I must educate more, good friendship begins with the existence of sincerity of intentions, also with a genuine and spontaneous affection/appreciation where both parties are aware of their behaviors and behaviors, that is, that there is a recognition and appreciation towards the other person, and therefore their well-being and happiness are important to you.
No creo que la amistad pueda existir si no tienes buenas intensiones hacia las demas personas, y asi mismo, no creo que puedas tener una amistad con alguien que tiene segundas intensiones para contigo o los demΓ‘s.
I don't believe that friendship can exist if you don't have good intentions towards other people, and likewise, I don't believe that you can have a friendship with someone who has ulterior motives towards you or others.
Desde luego la amistad y un buen o mal amigo son conceptos que dependerΓ‘n de las vivencias y creencias (y valores por supuesto) de cada quien, asi que el significado puede cambiar, pero nunca, jamΓ‘s de los jumases, la amistad y ser o tener un buen amigo estarΓ‘ relacionada con intensiones negativas, comportamientos daΓ±inos, malos tratos o perjudicar o ser perjudicado con intensiΓ³n por el otro.
Of course friendship and a good or bad friend are concepts that depend on the experiences and beliefs (and values of course) of each person, so the meaning can change, but never, ever, friendship and being or having a good friend will be related to negative intentions, harmful behaviors, mistreatment or harming or being harmed with intention by the other.
β¦ "El interesado, el manipulador y el toxico" β¦
Por ejemplo una persona que ve a los demΓ‘s como herramientas no es un buen amigo. Ese tipo de persona que ve a los demΓ‘s como objetos para lograr objetivos. Esto puede ocurrir en muchisimas configuraciones diferentes, por ejemplo, quien busca insistentemente ser tu amigo para utilizar tu nombre y ganar simpatΓa con terceros (quien usa tu nombre y la amistad para conseguir favores o estatus) pero que realmente no siente aprecio por ti, ni se preocupa por tu bienestar ni tu seguridad, y que tus muestras de afecto y cariΓ±o le son en el fondo, indiferentes, aunque finja lo contrario ante los demΓ‘s.
For example, a person who sees others as tools is not a good friend. That type of person who sees others as objects to achieve goals. This can occur in many different configurations, for example, someone who insistently seeks to be your friend to use your name and gain sympathy with others (who uses your name and friendship to get favors or status) but who really does not feel any appreciation for you, nor cares about your welfare or safety, and that your displays of affection and affection are, deep down, indifferent to him, even if he pretends otherwise to others.
En este mismo apartado, debes tener mucho cuidado a quien le aceptas favores o ayuda. Que tu ayudes desinteresadamente a otros no significa que otros te ayuden sin querer algo de ti a cambio. Es muy triste aceptar esta realidad pero es tan cierto como que el cielo es azul, no todo el que se acerca a ofrecerte la mano es con el propΓ³sito de ayudarte. Hay muchas personas que ofrecen ayuda para crearte una deuda sin fondo de la que puedan aprovecharse de ti (por ejemplo, un familiar que te ayuda a ir a un sitio a buscar algo con urgencia, pero a partir de allΓ comienza a pedirte favores desmedidos y hasta irracionales, e incluso puede que lleguen a sacΓ‘rtelo en cara).
In this same section, you must be very careful to whom you accept favors or help. That you help others selflessly does not mean that others help you without wanting something from you in return. It is very sad to accept this reality but it is as true as the sky is blue, not everyone who comes to offer you a hand is with the purpose of helping you. There are many people who offer help to create a bottomless debt from which they can take advantage of you (for example, a relative who helps you to go to a place to look for something urgently, but from there begins to ask unreasonable and even unreasonable favors, and may even get to take it in your face).
El mas inteligente o manipulador sabrΓ‘ disimularlo, pero podras identificar a este tipo de persona cuando usan el "Guilt Trip", a los que verΓ‘s utilizando a frases como "pensΓ© que eras un buen amigo" o "despuΓ©s de todo lo que hice por ti", tambiΓ©n al que cuenta a los demΓ‘s los favores que no le hiciste con intensiΓ³n de generar una mala opinion sobre ti como castigo o desquite.
The more intelligent or manipulative will know how to hide it, but you can identify this type of person when they use the βGuilt Tripβ, those you will see using phrases like βI thought you were a good friendβ or βafter all I did for youβ, also the one who tells others about the favors you did not do with the intention of generating a bad opinion about you as punishment or retaliation.
Otro ejemplo de algo que no es amistad ni de lo que es un amigo, es alguien que habla mal de ti o se expresa mal de ti sea estando tu en persona o a tus espaldas. Suena bΓ‘sico es imposible no agregarlo. No existe tal cosa como una amistad donde insultas a la otra persona o eres insultado. Eso tiene otro nombre y no es una relaciΓ³n buena ni sana. Identificaras a este tipo de persona por ejemplo, cuando te hablen constantemente mal de los demas, incluso podras notar que miente o exagera los hechos, pero algo te aseguro, quien habla mal de otros, hablara mal de ti tambien. Ojo, una cosa es comentar una situaciΓ³n importante o un problema grave sobre alguien, y otra hablar mal de esa persona por placer, y crΓ©eme, vas a notar cuando una persona te esta haciendo un comentario o advertencia sincera por tu seguridad, y otra cara muy distinta, notaras cuando esa persona disfruta hablar sobre cosas feas o desagradables de otro.
Another example of something that is not friendship or what a friend is, is someone who talks bad about you or expresses bad things about you either in person or behind your back. Sounds basic but it's impossible not to add. There is no such thing as a friendship where you insult the other person or you are insulted. You will identify this type of person for example, when they constantly talk bad about others, you may even notice that they lie or exaggerate the facts, but one thing I assure you, who speaks ill of others, will speak ill of you too. One thing is to comment on an important situation or a serious problem about someone, and another to speak ill of that person for pleasure, and believe me, you will notice when a person is making a sincere comment or warning for your safety, and another very different face, you will notice when that person enjoys talking about ugly or unpleasant things about someone else.
β¦ Permitir que te maltraten, que te usen, y que abusen de ti, no te hace buen amigo β¦
Ser un amigo comprensivo, paciente, tolerante y hasta resiliente jamΓ‘s significarΓ‘ que te dejes maltratar.
Aunque todos somos imperfectos, humanos, y pasamos por momentos difΓciles, una cosa es un mal dΓa donde alguien pueda sentirse triste, malhumorado, intolerante, irritable e incluso hostil por alguna situaciΓ³n complicada, y situaciones complicadas es lo que sobra en este mundo.
Otra cosa muy distinta es el comportamiento sistemΓ‘tico y reiterado de quien miente, manipula, tergiversa, roba y hasta planifica cΓ³mo aprovecharse de ti, obtener lo que necesita o hasta perjudicarte en pro de sus propios intereses.
No es normal y no esta bien, y no es casualidad, que un amigo te coloque en situaciones de riesgo o sufrimiento varias veces, repito, no es casualidad.
Y esto aplica para todas las edades. Equivocadamente pensamos que cuando crecemos las cosas serΓ‘n mejores porque tendremos mΓ‘s madurez y recursos para autogestionar mejor nuestras emociones y conductas.
Pero la realidad es que aΓΊn como adulto, te encontraras con otros adultos que son mil veces peores que ese compaΓ±ero chismoso del colegio.
Ten esto presente por favor, los adultos pueden ser mucho mas peligrosos porque han vivido mΓ‘s, tienen mΓ‘s posibilidad de desarrollar habilidades sociales y acceder a informaciΓ³n o conseguir mΓ©todos para hacer mΓ‘s efectivas sus maneras de manipular con mala intensiΓ³n su entorno y a las personas que escogen como objetivos.
Objetivos que me duele decirlo pero es real, serΓ‘n personas vulnerables, usualmente personas mucho mΓ‘s jΓ³venes, a los que se acercan presentΓ‘ndose como figuras confiables y protectoras. Pero son todo lo contrario.
Being an understanding, patient, tolerant and even resilient friend will never mean that you let yourself be abused.
Although we are all imperfect, human, and go through difficult times, it is one thing to have a bad day where someone may feel sad, moody, intolerant, irritable and even hostile because of some complicated situation, _and complicated situations are what we have plenty of in this world.
Another very different thing is the systematic and repeated behavior of someone who lies, manipulates, misrepresents, steals and even plans how to take advantage of you, get what they need or even harm you for their own interests.
It is not normal and it is not right, and it is not by chance, that a friend puts you in situations of risk or suffering several times, I repeat, it is not by chance.
And this applies to all ages. We mistakenly think that when we grow up things will be better because we will have more maturity and resources to better self-manage our emotions and behaviors.
But the reality is that even as an adult, you will encounter other adults who are a thousand times worse than that gossipy classmate at school.
Please keep this in mind, adults can be much more dangerous because they have lived longer, they have more ability to develop social skills and access information or methods to make more effective ways to manipulate their environment and the people they choose to target.
Targets that it pains me to say but it is real, will be vulnerable people, usually much younger people, to whom they approach presenting themselves as trustworthy and protective figures. But they are quite the opposite.
Existen lΓneas que no se pueden cruzar y los "no negociables" que debemos respetar si de verdad nos importan los demΓ‘s.
Saber perdonar es importante, un momento de imprudencia, un comentario que no era lo mejor en ese instante, la ausencia por atravesar momentos difΓciles, o situaciones donde no nos entendemos del todo, todo eso es importante saber o aprender a perdonar desde el cariΓ±o, y eso es mostrar compromiso con la amistad, no solo ser agradables cuando todo va bien.
Todo respecto a la autΓ©ntica, buena amistad nace desde este elemento primordial: La sinceridad.
No te fuerces a verla donde no la hay, tampoco juzgues si el otro es bueno o malo, solo no suavices la realidad ante lo evidente cuando se asomen las banderas rojas, y sΓ© asertivo al momento de tomar decisiones sobre quiΓ©n permites entrar a tu vida y a tu circulo mΓ‘s intimo.
No eres una mala persona por alejarte de alguien manipulador, mentiroso compulsivo o con comportamientos maliciosos hacia ti y los demΓ‘s.
[Pero entiendo que te encuentres con situaciones inesperadas que te hagan preguntarte si fue o no buena idea tomar esa iniciativa, o si quieres tomarte tu tiempo para meditar con mas cuidado tu situaciΓ³n. Nadie dice que es o serΓ‘ facil.]
ExtendiΓ©ndome un poco mΓ‘s en este punto como herramienta y ejemplo, mΓ‘s bien, este tipo de persona sabe muy bien lo que hace y no te sorprendas de que hagan todo lo posible por victimizarse y mal poner a quienes los han descubierto o han decidido no dejarse influir ni seguir lo que ellos planean o hayan planeado.
La persona narcisista o mejor dicho todos los tipos de narcisistas odian perder el control.
La mayorΓa o casi todos reaccionan muy mal cuando no consiguen lo que quieren y pueden llegar a hacer autΓ©nticos teatros descomunales cuando sus planes no resultan como quieren.
Pueden fingir emergencias que nunca existieron (me paso con una ex-novia de un familiar muy querido) como enfermedades o accidentes graves.
Podras identificar a este tipo de individuo en quien compulsivamente sin importar el momento, lugar, personas o contexto, trata de convencer a otros de lo buena persona que es, de lo mal que le ha ido en la vida, y sobre todo, lo notaras en quien manipula argumentos a su favor.
Un ejemplo muy acertado es el caso de quien dice sufrir de ansiedad y depresiΓ³n: Pero obvia decir que el cuadro de esas dos terribles enfermedades que padece es porque robΓ³ a varias personas, y fue descubierto, y por tanto atravesΓ³ la consecuencia de sus acciones que es ser seΓ±alado y juzgado como ladrΓ³n.
Pero esa persona te hablara de acosadores, y la verdad completa serΓ‘ que "los acosadores" fueron las personas a quienes lastimΓ³, mintiΓ³ y robΓ³, y que lo denunciaron y expusieron con pruebas.
Las seΓ±ales estan allΓ pero no todos, y me incluyo, tenemos la malicia para detectarlas a tiempo.
Y ahora mas que nunca cuando el reconocimiento de los sentimientos y pensamientos de los demas nos ha llevado a hablar extensamente del tema con el propΓ³sito de hacernos personas mas consideradas y sensibles, entiendo perfectamente que es difΓcil e incΓ³modo el tema de "los malos amigos".
Pero mi consejo para ti es que seas valiente, que no comprometas tus principios y virtudes, porque la verdadera amistad es el mayor y mas valioso regalo que podemos recibir y vale la pena trabajar para reconocerla, para aprender y saber elegir buenos amigos, y tambiΓ©n nosotros esforzarnos por ser merecedores de ellos como el tesoro que son, para convertirnos en el mejor amigo que podamos ser.
There are lines that cannot be crossed and the βnon-negotiablesβ that we must respect if we truly care about others.
Knowing how to forgive is important, a moment of imprudence, a comment that was not the best at that moment, the absence for going through difficult times, or situations where we do not understand each other at all, all that is important to know or learn to forgive from the affection, and that is to show commitment to friendship, **not just be nice when everything goes well.
Everything about authentic, good friendship is born from this primordial element: Sincerity.
Don't force yourself to see it where there is none, don't judge whether the other person is good or bad, just don't soften reality in the face of the obvious when red flags pop up,** and be assertive when making decisions about who you allow into your life and your inner circle.
You are not a bad person for walking away from someone who is manipulative, a compulsive liar, or behaves maliciously toward you and others.
[But I understand that you may encounter unexpected situations that make you wonder whether or not it was a good idea to take the initiative, or if you want to take the time to think about your situation more carefully. Nobody says it is or will be easy.]
Extending a little more on this point as a tool and example, rather, this type of person knows very well what they do and do not be surprised that they do everything possible to victimize themselves and put down those who have discovered them or have decided not to be influenced or follow what they plan or have planned.
The narcissistic person or rather all types of narcissists hate to lose control.
Most or almost all of them react very badly when they don't get what they want and can make huge theatrics when their plans don't work out the way they want.
They can fake emergencies that never existed (it happened to me with an ex-girlfriend of a very dear relative) such as illnesses or serious accidents.
You can identify this type of individual in those who compulsively, regardless of time, place, people or context, try to convince others of what a good person they are, how bad they have done in life, and above all, you will notice it in those who manipulate arguments in their favor.
A very accurate example is the case of the one who claims to suffer from anxiety and depression: But avoids saying that the scenario of those two terrible diseases that they suffer from is because they stole from several people, and were discovered, and therefore went through the consequence of their actions which is to be singled out and judged as a thief.
But that person will tell you about stalkers, and the whole truth will be that βthe stalkersβ were the people he hurt, lied to, and stole from, and who reported him and exposed him with evidence.
The signs are there but not everyone, and I include myself, has the malice to detect them in time.
And now more than ever when recognition of the feelings and thoughts of others has led us to talk extensively about the subject in order to make us more considerate and sensitive people, I fully understand how difficult and uncomfortable the subject of βbad friendsβ is.
But my advice to you is to be brave, not to compromise your principles and virtues, because true friendship is the greatest and most valuable gift we can receive and it is worth working to recognize it, to learn and know how to choose good friends, and also we strive to be worthy of them as the treasure they are, to become the best friend we can be.
Extra note! ~ For my friends who read me, just in case don't worry everything is fine. This note is a reflective moment I had, nothing bad has happened in my life nor have I had any problems with my friends.
This note was born as a need to express myself for all that I remember today as I reflect on things that I have seen and experienced in my work and family environment a long time ago, and that is information-tips I believe can be useful to others.
I know it is the kind of topic that you don't commonly see here but I feel encouraged to write about assorted topics if there is really something useful to say. Actually my close circle and friends are very wonderful people and I love them very much, and I am very grateful for their friendship and care π
 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
|---|
β¨ π All texts and images by @Tesmoforia π β¨
πΈ Tools: Smartphone π² Snow π¬ Remini π FotoJet π
π¨ Β‘Please do not take, edit or republish my material without my permission! π¨
π ΒΏDo you wish to contact me? Discord #tesmoforia π
π Banner, signature and separators by Keili Lares
Posted Using InLeo Alpha