How I Self-Sabotage my creative collaborations - people aren't psychic!

basilmarples in #ccc • 3 years ago

Sigh.
After feeling quite inspired and excited to go and record one of my songs yesterday, it sort of fell flat and never happened. Why?
Reasons.
Factors.
Neuroses.
Cowardice?

Essentially I performed my classic self-sabotage. I loosely bundled a musician friend in to my quest by exclaiming that I was feeling creatively motivated and then hoped that somehow they were going to help facilitate me to get something done. Unfortunately in my childish weakness Im unable to express this and so we spend the evening mucking about, doing a bit of jamming, having some food and talking philosophy. Which is all great. But no recording.

Thing is.... I already know that this is what happens. There are two ways I can feasibly get some recording done.

Number one: do it alone
Number two: Announce that I am conducting a recording session and invite people specifically, AND THEN, continue to lead the proceedings when we get there.

Problem is, these both require self belief and sometimes it just ain't there. Number one is easier but involves me being alone which doesnt quite tie in with my ideal creative scenario. However this is the one I should probably opt for as its far more likely to yield a result...and lets be honest.... WE'RE HERE TO GET RESULTS

again. sigh.
I often wish creativity was a nicer pursuit for me.
Maybe one day I will be crypto rich and i can just be one of those spoilt divas who gets to pay everyone to do what I need. I know its probably a hollow feeling...but it cant be any worse than being a weak little weasel who tries to telepathically trick their friends in to mothering them through creative hurdles. haha. This is why meditation is a better route for my brain than creativity. Its just a bit of an ego minefield.

Of course there's also the perfect middle ground....

Splinterlands!

ha. i love this gif. technically a neutral quest means you CANT use any neutral cards, so the furious chicken is forbidden... but....but.... just look at all the chickens!

anyway. here are some battle highlights of the day:

thaddius battles thaddius. thaddius is victorius! hoorah!
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_53b47a6365067207390b388c5c15d04d&ref=basilmarples

Neutral quest went by without many interesting battles so i carried on a bit to shoot for diamond III.

heres me getting wrecked by a level 3 baakjira
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_843179070fc2e2879faee41de1312c9c&ref=basilmarples

And then quix won back my honour with a speedy death squad in the little league ruleset
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_0640a5a90543f3a913c1cf7b51e4dcbc&ref=basilmarples

And this was probably my favourite of the day. The nectar queen getting missed a lot while my vulture eats up all the scraps. With some added speed, this is perfect in the non-magic ruleset
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_e2f8896f3f017797bfa2a896500653cb&ref=basilmarples

I didnt yet make it in to diamond, but Im certain Ill get there by the end of the season. Manyana perhaps...

Tomorrow Tomorrow

yeah yeah.... living in the future. What a tease!
Ive got a better word for you.

lets wake up right NOW.
Lets experience what is right here.
There is nothing verifiable beyond our experience.
Use the breath, relax the body

Ah man. I just wrote a whole load of good stuff and then somehow irreversibly deleted it. Sad.
I think I made some pretty good points about how my creative 'pursuit' would be far more enjoyable if I didnt turn it in to a 'pursuit' and instead just relaxed and enjoyed it while its there. I guess this is why I dont have much of an output, because actually I value my quality of life and my mental health more than the temporary fix of getting compliments or feeling proud of an achievement. The wheel has to keep spinning to feed the beast and frankly its quite exhausting for me.

Rest assured, my creativity happens as and when it happens, and its nourishing and fulfilling for me without me ever necessarily having anything to show for it. I can just relax and allow it to be or not be depending on the whims of the universe.

Stay pointy everyone
x
Basil

#hiveblopomo #songwriting #palnet #pob #health #spirituality #blog #life #creativity

3 years ago in #ccc by basilmarples

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steevc 3 years ago

I'm great at not doing things I think I should. I have to push myself to get creative on shit done.

My neutral quests are a bit better now I have other zero mana cards. The chicken was always useful to absorb some fire.

!PIZZA

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basilmarples 3 years ago

oh man, yeah, those 0 cost legendaries are super handy!

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steevc 3 years ago

I tend to think of them as cannon fodder, but sometimes they can do some damage.

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basilmarples 3 years ago

yes. mostly fodder. great for drawing the opportunity attacks. Also sometimes with the earth splinter you can pump them up to 3 or 4 health and speed them up as well so they can cause more problems

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pizzabot 3 years ago

PIZZA!

PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
@steevc_(3/5) tipped @basilmarples (x1)

_{Please vote for pizza.witness!}

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daniellemurray 3 years ago

Interesting glimpse into the creative process which is so very far from being smooth or pointy or even clear to many of us. I've been a lot happier since I 1. figured out what I really really want from music, and 2. stopped bothering too much about being creative for its own sake 😅 Keep on keeping on!

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basilmarples 3 years ago

interesting.... so are you saying that becoming much more focussed has helped?
I certainly tend to lean towards being 'creative for its own sake'. But maybe thats where Im going wrong?
Not sure Ive got the discipline to actually focus.... hmm. Good food for thought

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daniellemurray 3 years ago

Yes, but the focus (for me) has to meet happiness goals as well as just being a cool thing to do. So there's a lot of cool stuff I could do but don't, because doing so would isolate me socially and therefore work against my happiness. (I don't have a huge desire for social contact, but my mental health suffers without any at all, and I want it to have a point, not just be people drinking and gossiping together). Eg, I don't take part in Hive open mics even though I like Hive and I like music, because it doesn't involve playing with others.

One thing I've noticed since doing this is I spend very little time thinking about all the things I would like to achieve one day, and almost all my time thinking about the next collaborative task that I have promised to do. My attention and energies are spoken for, so there's much less blue sky thinking. Bit like being married I guess?

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basilmarples 3 years ago

hehe. thats great! married to the blockchain :)
I tend to prefer being in the room with a person when I collaborate but Ive certainly had some fun times contributing over the internet. Not sure its a sustainable source of happiness/meaningfulness for me ... awesome that its helping you to be more present with your creative thoughts though!

I definitely feel the same about liking socialising to have a 'point' other than just mundane discourse. Sometimes it feels a lot like wading through mud to get to the gems. Maybe thats why its addictive?

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