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Not Everyone will Like You- My Journey to Respectability
Growing up, it was heavily emphasized that being liked was very important. As a child, I made sure to impress my parents and put a lot of energy into making friends. From primary school through my 20s, I pursued social validation and that changed when I realized I couldn’t make everyone like me and that respectability is what matters as a man in society.
Many cultures emphasize conformity and likeability. Being liked is a warm and positive feeling, so how can anyone blame someone for pursing it. Humans are social creatures, and we put energy into building community, making friends and being likeable. It’s part of human nature to be likeable and to seek common ground with our fellow man. We need to go beyond our need for social validation to respectability to build our place in society. Sometimes when we grow and build our kingdoms, we lose friends and become less likeable in many people’s eyes. We should avoid being offensive, crass and opportunistic, but sometimes we grow out of our social circle into a new life stage.
I learned that not everyone would like me. It was an expectation that I had growing up that if I tried hard, I could win everyone’s heart. As I grew, this assumption, based on cultural conditioning proved false. I grew up and moved past seeking social validation constantly. I outgrew the party scene and decided to build my kingdom. This led to losing friends and some accused me of being too focused on worldly gains. I was pursuing respectability and growth, and realized that this was more important than the social validation I had been seeking for decades.
I would rather be respected than liked. I appreciate being liked, sure and it does provide a feeling of security but respect is key for a man. Respect is earned, and respect requires character. Being liked often times simply requires innate traits or submitting to requests. Being respected is a long journey. I am still confident people like me, but that’s not my sole focus and that’s not what I focus on. Those who are respected are liked and appreciated by fellow responsible and respectable people. My social circle is vibrant and less focused on surface-level pleasures and pursuits. I don’t want to come off as a snob, but social validation and likeability have taken a back seat to growth and genuine connection.
In a way, realizing that not everyone would like me is freeing. It also reduced the pressure I put on myself and others for reciprocation. I took responsibility for my own feelings and in essence, my mental health and it has improved my outlook. I no longer view those who don’t like me as deficient, and over time I understand that as we age, people become busier and have less time for social engagements.
Likeability is often positively correlated with conformity and compliance. Social media has shown that one can become likeable by towing the party line and consuming the proper goods. Nodding your head, wearing the proper brands and nursing a cocktail at a party can make you likeable, but working hard daily can earn respect. Being true to your word, completing work on time, serving as a role model and protecting your family are all respectable actions. Respectability trumps likeability any day of the week.
In life, not everyone will like you. Sometimes that’s a hard pill to swallow. I learned that abandoning this precept comes with maturity, and we should all pursue something more. Society and popular culture emphasizes likeability because it sells products and makes life seem easier. Build your kingdom, and accept that being liked is easy, and being respected comes with responsibility and trials.
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