For a few years I lived in fear
Rewind some years when my ex and father of my two oldest children took away my parental rights of my kids in a custody hearing that nobody informed me about. Yeah, you read that correctly, I had no chance to defend myself and therefore he automatically won the case. It was that simple, and when I clarified at CPS why I wasn't even informed, they said they didn't have my address! I have written proof they do, and yet, still, I had no grounds to change this messed up situation where I lost the only two reasons that I kept going and fighting: my two sweethearts. I had just given birth to our (my current boyfriend, not the crazy one) daughter and with the other things going on, I had to protect her from this stalking situation that he was clearly doing to keep me afraid of him.
There were break-ins into our home, bullets were planted in my closet, stuff disappeared and stuff appeared. Not even to mention the digital shit that went down where I kept reading threats also pointed at my baby. Oh did I mention, that they also spiked her meds? The girl was screaming from pain when I gave it to her one day after we'd been out for half of the day and they had entered our room clearly. Please don't even mention the "call the cops" part, we did, that's another story. This was not a matter of HIM harassing me only, no, it was him paying his connections to do this so that I lost track on who I could trust and who was involved.
Getting dangerous
It became very clear that my ex was not going to stop until he had his way. I've also said from the moment I went to a shelter that if he won't be stopped we will end up being the next "family drama" on the news. When he won the custody hearing, it was still not enough, nope, he also had to steal the complete funds from our bank account as he still had access to our daughter's account. Funny thing is that I had contacted the bank about this months before, to ask them if he could have access and the bank was clear: no! So I let that feeling inside go as I had more on my mind anyway. Guess I should have known better! Anyway, if you take away the last funds from the mother of your children, who just gave birth to a baby, and even write your full name as a memo, you are pretty ruthless. It was a clear signal that he wanted me down, and he was not done yet.
Get out of there
Sometimes the only way to fix a situation is by walking away from the situation. I think this was a very clear example of that because honestly, we went from A to B to C to D, and yet it only became worse, so it had nothing to do with the location and making it harder to get to me etc. He also told me right before he abused me the days before I fled to the shelter with the kids that he was going to take them from me and that he "already had them". I still have the recordings and a lot more was said that evening making you shiver if you hear him say it, let alone me remembering his pure evil eyes while saying it to me from just a 10 cm distance. He meant business, and I knew I had to get out.
Hard decision
As a mother, leaving behind these two kids who I couldn't speak to or see since they were in his care, I could not even get info on how they were doing where they were seen by a health care specialist, etc, he all blocked it. I felt it so clearly, the only way to get rid of him and remove ourselves from a dangerous situation was to remove ourselves from the location. I felt that I could not protect our baby anymore, and I had the care over her, so that was something that I could control, together with her father, of course. And that's what I needed to do so I did it. She was not going to suffer any longer from my mistakes from the past. I booked tickets to Spain and we left shortly after.
Checking local news pages
From the moment that I lost care over them, even in Holland, I was constantly checking the local news site to see if I could find connections to him, proving his whereabouts. When we left Dutch grounds and landed on Spanish grounds, I started to check these news sites every day or every few days at least. I knew (I told my boyfriend 100s of times over the years) that one day, I'd find him on that site wanted, or arrested, etc and that would be the moment that I knew there was hope again to build a solid new case against him. I knew the old stuff from back then didn't even matter, and had to let go of the idea that his past whereabouts would help me fight for the children. But when a new situation would appear one day (like it did now) I knew there was hope again. My goal for the past years was very clear: making sure we are doing well financially, have a stable situation and a place where they can stay when the time has arrived. I believe that this couldn't be happening at a better timing!
He beat a man & woman unconscious during a night out
The video is from several months ago but they had not been able to identify the guy. The woman looked horrible. I know his punches are tough because he has some boxing techniques and I've been hit by him hard as well. He was clearly intoxicated and everything about him showed me it was him, there is no doubt about it. I've watched the video several times, and it's him. So of course this does something to me, as it infuriates me to see that he's still the same dipshit he was back then. No matter how you look at it, he has the care over my children, and obviously, there was something deep inside me hoping that he'd be a better guy someday and that I'd be able to solve it in a decent manner without another custody battle. Of course, my gut feeling already told me, to forget that, this will never happen. But when time passes, it's obviously a hope you have deep inside. As another solution isn't presented yet either.
Unexpected emotional chat
I sent the link to my mother's friend who's been our contact over the years as my mother directly is a risk of him locating me, and yes, that's how dangerous he is, that I don't want to risk him finding me still many years later. Yes, drastic situations have driven me to take drastic measures. I'm very glad I did though as it was confirmed that he sure didn't let go. What's sad to know is that when they visit my mother, there's a huge picture of me in sight, but they aren't allowed to speak about me in any way, my mother has to pretend that I don't exist but yet they constantly see a picture of me. He never leaves their side either when they're there. Pretty good parenting in their best interest, isn't it?
This conversation also taught me something. While I shared that I knew 1000% sure this was him, my mother's friend said: I believe you, and I will tell you why.
"Years ago, I was cleaning up your mother's basement and threw out a lot of things. I also found a notebook that was yours. You wrote what happened in this notebook and this is proof of what happened to you. I didn't share this with your mother, only my husband."
I started crying when I read this, I was relieved it's with her, at least one person knows the truth now. I lost this notebook, so I know exactly which one she means, it was the one I started writing in inside the women's shelter. Every night, I wrote. And I promised him in that notebook, that one day, the world will know his true colours. When we left our country, I wanted this with me and was desperately looking for it, without result. She told me don't worry, it's safe here. You never know if I need it in the future. I feel that she may be the person that can confirm some things if I ever need a trustworthy person in court that can tell her vision being an outsider not actual family. She knows that these kids are always on my mind and she knows that I'm still afraid until this day to share any details, because she was the middle person all these years. I'm so thankful for that, she never had to do that, yet she did!
Moving on, waiting patiently for a new sign
I have not allowed my feelings to take over. I know I've waited for years and a little longer won't kill me, I can handle that. A few years ago, this would have probably dragged me down for days, as the hurt, anger, sadness takes over, but now, I know I can let it go, I did what I needed to do and I will let everything unfold as it's supposed to unfold. With this realization I know I came a long way from where I was and am today. I have faith in the right outcome even if it may take a little while from now before that's the case.
And with that I will end my life update which came at a totally unexpected moment! Have a good weekend!
