I haven't shared much about my life here yet especially how I went through for the past 3 years. To those who have known me already, I'm quite sure you have a little background of me somehow.
For those whom I just met here, I'm going to share about a portion of my life. A big chunk of that would be the moments I had with my grandparents, more especially with grandma.
2019 - Living With My Grandparents
I had to recover from an illness back in 2019. I have already shared that with you here. I had depression and I needed constant companions to get through the day. I thought the ideal place to live in was to live with my grandparents. Sunny came, so recovering from it was helpful.
In early 2020, Grandpa died. It was sudden, we didn't expect it. He had a heart aneurysm. He was 88. So I was left with grandma and our working student. From then on, we became each other's rock.
2021 - Lola got Covid
In June 2021, Lola got Covid. She was hospitalized for 10 days. We were so worried at that time. It was during the peak of Covid cases. We really thought it was the end of Lola but she survived. Such a brave woman.
However, I noticed how her health slowed down. I mean, it's kind of expected that it will because of how fatal and damaging COVID-19 is. Slowly, she was not able to do her usual routines in the house. She used to cook for us. She loves to stay in the kitchen but after she got hit by Covid, she can't do it anymore because she got weaker and weaker.
Until November 2022, when she slipped and hit her back on the floor. She didn't feel the aftermath right away but after a month, she felt that she could not get up from her bed. She felt an intense pain in her lower back.
Intense Frustration and Depression
Lola was diagnosed with muscle spasms. The doctor just prescribed pain relievers. My uncle asked if it's possible to resort to surgery but with Lola's age, it's going to be challenging and risky to keep up with the procedures. And so, during those times when she could barely get up from her bed, it caused her major frustration and depression.
She had erratic mood swings and a problematic attitude. That being said, it became a heavy situation for me too. I was the one who embraced all of her frustrations. The day-to-day situations became toxic. It caused me a lot of pain, suffering, and struggles.
Quarter-Life Crisis
It even came to the point of me blaming Lola for what is happening with my life right now. I felt so small and insecure with my peers. I got jealous of how they were establishing their own careers while me, I was stuck in a desperate situation where I couldn't find a way out. I cried almost every night feeling so small.
Those were the heavy days. It was very toxic. I even questioned God why he put me in such a tough situation. I was full of negativity. I couldn't blame myself for feeling that way because to be fair, Lola's attitude was very toxic. It was so hard for her to appreciate the things you do for her and she always finds a way to complain. It was exhausting.
October 18, 2023
I noticed that Lola's breathing seemed to be an extreme struggle for her. When she eats, she coughs and it sounds serious. She was still responsive but I can see how she deteriorated. So we asked for a rescue and sent her to a hospital. She stayed there for two weeks. During the 1st week of her stay, we thought she could get out of the hospital and get discharged but one of her doctors didn't push through because something concerns her about her lungs.
She was diagnosed with pneumonia. The doctor said that pneumonia is succumb at their age. They told us that they had already given out their maximum management so we thought it was time for Lola to rest. She was 90.
The Pain of Saying Goodbye
Last November 1, we received a call from my cousin informing us that Lola just passed away. Somehow, we were able to prepare ourselves for it but after hearing it, we couldn't help but still cry. It's painful hearing it but at the same time, we can finally say that Lola can finally rest from all the pain and suffering she had.
To me, personally, as her main companion for over 3 years, I really don't know how to feel. I part of me feels emptiness but a part of me feels freedom as well. Mixed emotions, to be exact. I don't know how to process these emotions.
When I shared my testimony to Lola with the people, I came out honest. I shared all the pain I went through living with grandma. I expressed all the burden but I didn't end it that way. I also shared the good times I had with her, especially during my childhood days.
You can finally rest, La. Have a great reunion with Lolo out there, meet with your peers, and embrace great grandmas and great grandpas for me.
