Do you ever enter a room and feel as though all the oxygen has been abruptly sucked out? When you're left standing there feeling as though you've just crashed a party to which you weren't invited, and eyes turn away and conversations end? Yes, that sensation. It's one of the most alienating sensations a person can go through; it's like a frigid hand gripping your heart and taking a blow to the belly.
More often than I'd like to admit, I've been there. It has occurred with friends, coworkers, and even relatives. I can assure you that it doesn't get any simpler. It hurts like a brand-new, raw wound every time.
Feeling unwelcome has a very terrible quality. It's more than just feeling left out or excluded; it's about believing that your sheer existence causes trouble for other people. As if your mere existence is a perpetual source of annoyance, like a pebble in someone's shoe.
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This is a feeling that is difficult to get rid of. You begin to doubt everything. Did you say something that caused it? Something you carried out? Is there a core issue you have that prevents people from wanting you around? Your head starts to repeat every exchange, dissecting each word and gesture for hints.
The most detrimental aspect? It has the potential to come true. When you feel unwelcome, your behavior changes. You could shut down, quiet down, or strive too hard to make up for your withdrawal. Furthermore, their actions may drive others away even farther, intensifying the sense of unwelcomeness. I was once at a friend's birthday celebration.
I entered the room feeling eager to celebrate, but something changed in the air. People's conversations abruptly stopped as they became absorbed in their beverages. I felt like I was treading carefully the whole night, trying so hard to fit in, to be "cool" enough, witty enough, and intriguing enough. I was worn out by the end of the evening, mentally and physically.
These kinds of situations make you want to withdraw and erect barriers around oneself. You can't get wounded if you don't put yourself out there, isn't that right? However, that is a solitary route that eventually leads to nothing beneficial. What then should we do with this emotion? When it seems like everyone is ignoring us, how do we handle it?
First of all, it's critical to keep in mind that emotions are not facts. You're not always unwanted, even if it seems like it. Insecurities, unpleasant days, or even experiences from the past might distort our perceptions.
Secondly, attempt to control your temptation to mind-read. You never know what someone is really thinking about you unless they tell you directly that you're unwanted. Perhaps they're not feeling well themselves. Perhaps they are coping with personal insecurities. People are complicated, and we are not always affected by what they do.
Third, pay attention to the individuals and environments that truly make you feel loved. Even if we haven't discovered them yet, each of us has a tribe. Spend time with family members who always have time for you, friends who brighten up a room when you walk in, and coworkers who appreciate your opinions.
Fourth, concentrate on increasing your own sense of value. When you genuinely cherish who you are, you become less affected by the thoughts and deeds of others. It's a lifelong journey, but this is worthwhile. It's not easy.
Lastly, it could be worthwhile to have an open discussion if the emotion continues, particularly in significant relationships or settings (such as work or family).
Relationships can occasionally be strengthened and misconceptions cleared up by having frank conversations. Never forget that you deserve respect, affection, and a sense of belonging by nature. Your worth is determined solely by you. Simply by being who you are, you offer the world special talents.
When you feel unwelcome, it's acceptable to feel wounded. We are all connected in our vulnerability by this very human experience. Still, don't let it to define you. It shouldn't deter you from trying, from being present, or from being who you truly are. Since there are, in fact, people out there who desire you. who require you. They will rejoice upon your arrival.
Sometimes all we need to do is have the patience to look for them and the courage to open our doors to them when we do. Take a big breath the next time the feeling arises. Remember how valuable you are. And proceed. Because, whether or not everyone knows it yet, you belong here.
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