Tales of the Urban Explorer: 'Kartmans'

“Well that was handy, wasn’t it?”

A lay-by possibly 100 yards from our target was a pleasant surprise. Parking close to Time Capsules was usually a proverbial pain in the arse.

Rural ones tend to be the worst, just off narrow country lanes where you know damn well Farmer Giles is going to appear and scuttle you off the road, as well as giving you suspicious looks.

‘Kartmans' was looking promising at least from our view. Tucked away, tree-lined, roof intact and with a name, I had no idea about.

All we had to do was scramble through all that course bush and we would be there.

Within moments we knew something was wrong. Why was there a cabin down there, tractors, the grounds full of mud and did I spot some movement?

For fuck sake, this was looking like a renovation.

We had travelled the best part of fifty miles and this Time Capsule was looking past its expiry date. If it was a local we would have left, but all that way? We were going to have a look regardless.

Finding a snaking passage through the undergrowth we approached the house noting the new windows resting across the front area.

The rain clouds were descending on my mood fast, and I wondered if there would be anything left in Kartmans'.

I sniffed at the air. I couldn't see BuilderDude but could sense him in the immediate vicinity. We would need to be careful or be automatically accused as windows stealers, chased up the embankment and pursued.

There is to be no innocent until proven guilty. Here it is the laws of Scotland.

What was that, a large tea urn for BuilderDude? It is common knowledge that English builders do little work and spend approximately 97% of their time drinking tea but this was deepest Wales.

Creeping through this blue door my willy was wilting by the second. Any more of these demoralising renovation sights and my member would be walnut-sized just like when on a serious speed session.

“Oh fuck, there’s nothing left”

@anidiotexplores had disappeared from view and I was mulling whether to turn around or not. BuilderDude was either in his cabin drinking tea or quite deaf.

I made for the stairs hoping to see anything, even a 'vintage newspaper' from 2019 would have sufficed.

This was one strange house as I found a bathroom and nothing else. You live downstairs and go up there just for a crap, great!

I peered through the cracked window and spotted BuilderDude pottering around outside. One glance up and he would notice a dark sinister shadow on the upper floor.

Lovely tiles, I thought descending.

@anidiotexplores emerged noisily from another door leading to the front side of the house
yelling my name.

Shhhhhhhhh...., I hissed, raising my arms in a striking pose. It seemed to work and silence reigned down upon us.

“We need to get the fuck out of here man”, I said quietly. Figuring out we were not alone he nodded silently.

I figured he had noticed him and once again blessed our luck that BuilderDude indeed was quite deaf.

Once back on the roadside I wasn’t going to leave without a few tree-blocked shots of ‘Kartmans’.

This was the first of several Time Capsules that day that had gone sour. @grindle had supplied them but obviously wasn’t to know.

Like any locations that are given to you, the moral is, 'Don't fart around too long". They could be renovated or worse demolished.

'Kartmans' is another once prime Time Capsule that is now permanently off the Urban Exploration radar. This is what it used to look like, article courtesy of @grindle.

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