I'm a lover of love. I don't know where this love comes from, probably from watching my parents growing up or the many romantic chic flicks I've always loved watching or my obssession with romantic novels.
I remember being a kid and spending hours sitting and dreaming of the perfect romance. I would imagine what my life would be like with my crush, I would imagine the craziest romance scenes and hold the hope that that guy and I would have that fairytale romance and ride into the sunset.
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Life hit me pretty early, in terms of romance and all. I got broken and beaten down in my first attempt at a happy ending. I started imagining a ride into the sunset and that never happened, so you can imagine what that did to my love for love.
I began to doubt the existence of love. Romance scenes would come into view and I would view them with a lot of hate and disgust because of how absurd they seemed. I still do that sometimes when they seem too far fetched. But I guess love can be far fetched.
I love to love and regardless of how I try, I'm still internally that child who just wants to ride into the sunset with the love of her life. I'm playful and dismissive of romance but that's partly because I lack the capacity to show it to the degree I would be comfortable with.
My thoughts on valentine's day?
I've spent a lot of time feeling like love can be bought. I kid you not, I was serious when I wrote about having enough money to buy a husband. So for Valentine's Day, you can only imagine the kind of drama I often imagine.
For a couple of years when I had a horrible relationship where he claimed he didn't care about the day because he wanted to be with anybody but me, I spend the day at an Orphanage.
The Valentine's day orphanage movement started with my friend Emelda when we were in our second year at the university. She was also lonely that day even though she had a boyfriend and she proposed the idea so I was totally up for it.
I had a lot of clothes I bought that I never used, so I packed them up, got some money regardless of how broke I was and bought a few home essentials and took a huge bag to the orphanage. It was one of the best days of my life. I had more fun than I thought I would so I did it again.
The next year, my friend Emelda had a more serious relationship so she went out with her man while I went out with 3 friends. It was amazing too because after our orphanage visit, we went to see a movie and we had a great night.
The next year, I put the word out and got a lot of clothes from different girls and guys in the hostels, I took out the money from my allowance and I got the usual daily essentials and I went to a much bigger orphanage with my roommate.
That was a sad day because I went to a bigger orphanage with more kids with sadder stories. I mean we had babies who were picked up from dustbins when they were born because their parents didn't want them and had no idea what to do with them.
I remember meeting a set of beautiful twins who lost both their parents in a car accident and had no stable relatives to take care of them. I was in a terrible mental state after that day but I did it alone the next year.
The last year I went, I went alone. I gathered my stuff and went to one of the most expensive orphanages I've ever been to. I was unhappy because even though those kids were in bad situations, they were somewhat privileged because they were only children brought in by lawyers whose parents had court cases and they didn't seem like they were in need. That was the last time I went to an orphanage.
I wanted to go again 2 years later but I couldn't.
I got my very first and only Valentine's Day present last year. I got a really cute perfume and I was so pleased but I haven't given a special person a gift yet. I always thought this would be the year to go all out for someone but life had other plans. I probably need to keep saving and maybe my first gift to a special someone could be a new house or a car.
I'm a lover of love. I take gift-giving seriously and I always come through for the ones I love, always. Valentine's day or not.
I think Valentine's day is just a day. If you can treat it specially, you should. However, it shouldn't be the only time you receive or give love. I always imagine being with someone special and having every day feel like Valentine's day. I want to give random gifts to put a blush on a grown man's face.
How about you? Do you have Valentine's day tradition or it's just a day that has passed without relevance? What could make it different?
Thanks for reading
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