Hello friends!
What a title for my first post in this community of #SilverBloggers. I've been wanting to write something for a while, I was encouraged by my friends @coolmidwestguy and @coquicoin and finally I felt inspired, I preferred to wait until a crucial event, that made me think to post. Maybe from a certain age onwards we reflect more when faced with any crossroads in life or important life decision.
And the time has come, the time to think if... is it possible to start over?
I have written in the title that I'm going to try, and so it is.
My life has been very hectic for a while, I changed not only my ideas but also countries, besides my own, I lived in six others and traveled to some more. This may sound adventurous and fun but it also has other consequences, and not all of them are so easy or positive at a certain level, although personal experiences are undoubtedly unique and unforgettable.
But real life awaits you after a few years, and you realize that you are somewhat lost, that you have not really had the time to stop, or maybe you have, at some point but the accumulation of responsibilities and new ambitions frustrated in another type of environment did not leave me mental clarity. I have tried many things since then, until I ended up in a great and long personal and existential crisis.
After much thought and many tears running down my face, not long ago I decided to turn this tedious and unpromising routine around, because the future was not visible, and I did not see myself in any of the possible futures either.
Thinking, I realized that in reality, except for traveling, in terms of work or professionally I was doing one thing after another, changing but none of them really motivated me or that I was passionate about. I tried to fool myself into thinking that it was like that, that I did want to dedicate myself to this or that sector, but something inside me felt wrong, I was frustrated and very tired on a level, I would say, spiritual. And my deep unhappiness has led me to ask myself many things like what have I come to do, what do I want to be?
The worst, that cruel and persistent mind that constantly tells you that you made a mistake, that you were good at studying and you have ruined everything, that you chose the wrong career, that you let yourself be convinced, that you did not listen to yourself, that you decided to escape from one country to another with different scholarships, studies and jobs, and live life. A real life but one that has left me with a void. Was I wrong?
They say that everything happens for a reason, that everything is experience and that you learn from everything, and those experiences are what have brought us to where we are. But where I am I feel that I am missing something, I look back and think about what other possibilities would have existed if I had taken other paths. But this is mine, and now I must choose a direction again.
A new direction that may not be a travel but another healer way. I have never felt represented by the studies and degrees I have achieved, I have studied a lot (two degrees and three masters) and even so, I would throw all the diplomas in the trash, I don't do it because those paper documents were worth money jaja and they are a memory of another me from the past, which I decide to forgive because she did what she could with what she knew, with what she thought she wanted and with what she could at that time, there is nothing to reproach.
Well, here I am, the past cannot be changed, only the present, and I am going for it. What if I decide to study again? Yes, in my forties I will go back to university with some few white hairs on my head but deciding this time for myself what to do, without caring about anything else.
Well, I care about some things, I would even say that I am afraid of some things, like whether I will still be good at studying, whether I will have the energy to go every day, since I now live outside the city, whether it will be the right decision, whether I will be able to finish the four years, whether I will find a new path that makes me feel finally good and happy.
There are many questions, many doubts and many fears, honestly, but I applied for a place and it says that I have been admitted, in the Degree in Modern Languages, which was previously Italian Philology (with some Hispanic studies also) because I love languages, especially Italian and my own, Spanish. Let's see...
It is a sudden change in life, but why not? Nobody stops me, after making many calculations and guesses, I have decided to go ahead, I don't know how far I will go, but I will start and I will try, the rest I will see in that new future that I try to create to truly leave the past behind.
And despite having recently experienced difficult times and thinking about what others would think and thinking about all the inconveniences and obstacles that could appear, despite everything, I have registered to start in September, to start over, again, to acquire other knowledge that allows me to see and live life in a different way, and through a new path. And I hope that this new life will give me new and surprising opportunities. Because really, it is never too late. Right?
[I have added a last photo about some path, a street that I walked down in that other time past, in that other life that I want to change. That is street in Moscow a place that gave me so many experiences and memories like others too. In a life, that now I want it to take me down another new path, and start over again. It's time, my time.]
Thanks for reading! Have a nice and happy day.
The text is totally mine and the photos too, by ©Duvinca - NO AI and the image has been created using Canva.com
