I've been sailing stormy seas and riding perilous roads for the past six months.
Lifelines were, and still are needed, as well as a steady hand on that steering wheel, at times not knowing where I fit in this new world I find myself in!
Most of all I've had to dig deep to continue this journey on my own.
After seventy years of always having someone to guide me and protect me - firstly my parents, and then my soulmate, finding myself all alone at a ripe old age, has not been easy. However, I am a big girl now, so no more 'I can't's ', there is no such word in my dictionary any longer, but having to go it alone is tough. No one can ever replace my man.
As I said to @fionasfavourites who started this lone walk a few months before me, and who coincidentally is on the same page as me today with her blog, I do not mind being alone, actually welcome solitude, at times, but knowing that he no longer is sitting in his favourite chair and will never walk through that door again, becomes unbearable at times.
I can no longer tell him about the things I've experienced, or ask him a question, and we can no longer sit together simply enjoying the silence, yet stay connected!
I know I sound like a drama queen, but just before my trip to the Netherlands, whatever could go wrong did go wrong. First on the casualty list was the cottage fridge, then the oven, and the kitchen sink mixer, the earth leakage kept on tripping in the main house where I live, and that was what led to a big investigation till the fault was found.
What saved me from drowning or becoming a statistic on the road?
Lifelines like family, friends who care, and my loyal staff who have stood rock solid by me!
Cynthia came to hold my hand when I went to do the pre-admission for my hernia repair. I know I could have gone alone, but hit a real low and asked her to come with me on a joy ride for a brunch.
A heart of gold, always smiling, always encouraging, hubby used to call her 'my lady,' and what a wonderful lady she is indeed! She also misses her Mr. B.
Then there's Bonginkosi, who has become the caretaker of our property and also become my caretaker; very protective. He not only has green fingers but also acquired DIY skills under the guiding hands of hubby so is very much in demand, working for a friend and neighbour on some days.
On this occasion I took Bonginkosi to the Durban Botanic Gardens, where we went on the guided golf-cart tour, he was in his element seeing the beautiful gardens with their majestic trees.
Both these two special happy souls are the ones who are a constant presence, not only easing my load with tasks that need doing, going beyond their call of duty, and always caring and encouraging.
Then there's Poe, who instinctively knows when I'm not well or feeling down, chats to me in his miaowing dialect, telling me to stop pushing myself and go and sit down. It gets to the point where he'll lie on top of my feet so I cannot get up from the chair!
And I used to say I'm not a cat person!
I have been immensely blessed to have wonderful family and very special friends, and I know with their help, the wounds will slowly heal, but the scars will never go away!
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