He is pretty much my age... around 51 years old, has lived in my area all his life. In fact, according to him, he has never really left the area. Never traveled. He was married until last year. Had a home. Has four children, three of them grown up, and his youngest, a daughter, just finished her GCSEs at school and is now at college. His children are 24, 22, 20, and 16 years old.
He was sitting outside my local corner cafe when I popped to the shops. I had seen him before and had given him some small change but had not really engaged with him, beyond a mere "hello" and a nod of the head.
I was in a rush that time... and aren't a lot of us guilty of this? Of not seeing the person behind the pain and the pain behind the person... and as I left the parking lot on that earlier occasion, I really felt drawn to this man and wanted to go and give him something more... but again... I had to be someplace else. I did go back later... but he had left already.
I read a challenge recently to #showhumanity and to take the time to speak to the people that we see on our streets who are struggling with life... and I knew then that if I saw that man again, I would take the time to stop and speak with him.
Today was that day.
I pulled in at the store and my youngest said,
hey Mom, there's that nice man... now you can go give him the extra money you wanted to give him.
He remembered the guy because last week while I raced into the shop, my son went back outside and gave him the money.
Anyway, I went and drew some money for him... and then went over to him, gave him the money, and we got chatting.
His name is Jamie...
He's an alcoholic and he has a drug history, so Social Services wouldn't let him live at home because his younger daughter was still only 15 last year. His wife was disabled, but she had a stroke last October and lost Oxygen to her brain. She died at home without medical attention. She had apparently not been feeling well and didn't go to the hospital because she was worried that Social Services would remove her daughter if her daughter had no parent capable of taking care of her at home. It was clear that Jamie feels responsible for how events unfolded and is living with a heavy burden of guilt for not being there for his wife and family when they needed him.
He was so full of emotion talking to me - very tearful - and I could see how heavy his heart was with what had happened. He said that he has since signed his house over to his kids and that the kids all live there together, but he isn't allowed to stay overnight because of his history and his current struggles. He is not supposed to visit during the day either, but his daughter lets him pop by anyway. He said he can't stay away from them as its too hard.
He was straight up about his struggles too and talking about his wife clearly hurt him deeply. They had been married for 26 years, which he said was pretty much half his life. Some people had even said he should be over it by now - her death - because it had been almost a year... but he was saying to me...
how do you get over someone that you spent half your life loving?
I could relate as I saw my dad go through the same thing three years ago when my mom passed suddenly and I saw what that did to him. He couldn't even talk about her for the best part of a year because he would get so choked up... and I saw the same in Jamie. I shared my loss with Jamie too, and my experience of seeing my dad go through it. He said he didn't have the problem of not being able to talk about her and did often, but that it made him cry a lot. I got the sense that a lot of what he was saying, if not all of it, was real. You just cannot fake that level of heartache and grief.
I asked him where he was staying and he said
I stay in a b&b if I get enough money in the day, or in a cheap place in the area that allows guests for £30 a night, otherwise I...
and at this point, his speech drifted off... and he got tearful again. I got the feeling that some nights he may be forced to sleep rough and I honestly felt so deeply for his loss and his life situation. He isn't working and I gathered that this is due to his struggles. I didn't want to pry further as he was already quite emotional but comfortable enough talking with me. He said he was doing better and starting to come right, but that he is still reliant on asking others for money.
His story really touched me and so I went and drew him the extra money so that he could have a roof over his head tonight, and he could get himself a meal.
I told him that I had recently become more acquainted with God through Christianity and asked him if he prayed. He said
hmm... sometimes... as I do believe in God... but I don't always pray anymore.
I told him I would include him in my prayers, for which he expressed gratitude, I wished him well and said goodbye. And at that point, he got up and just gave me this huge bear hug and said
thank you so so much!
... and then he turned to my boys and said
Boys, you look after your mom... (he said something else very moving but that is between him and me).
I am so thankful for the life that I have; a family home, a stable marriage, two children, three cats, and both my husband and I are employed.
For Jamie, he had most of that, once upon a time, but now wherever he lays his hat, that's his home.1
In the end, perspective and immense gratitude. And it was very humbling... to have a stranger touch my life and to be able to touch his in return.
I am not trying to profit from Jamie's pain. I wanted to share his story, and any proceeds earned from this post will be given to Jamie the next time I see him. If for some reason I do not see him again, I will donate the money to a local homeless charity or foodbank or to someone else who is similarly struggling. Of course, I have no idea whether he will use any of the money to fund his addiction, but I believe that the Lord led my heart to help a fellow human being in trouble, and I can only have faith and pray that what I did was the right thing in the moment 🙏
I recall that the #showhumanity challenge required one to use only pictures of the person you were writing about. That's ok, I don't need my post to be included in the official challenge, it just inspired me to do better in my own life. I saw no need myself to ask a man who has lost so much and is struggling to stay afloat emotionally, mentally, and financially, for his photo, so I have used images from Canva Pro Library instead.
Header image created using the following images from canva pro library:
Image 1 by fstop123
Image 2 by pixelshot
Image 3 by Artmarie
Image 4 byActivedia
Dreemport banner used with permission of @dreemsteem and @dreemport and designed by @jimramones
