Hi hiver, i want to share about a little bit story about my family, I am not into family man in hive community. But, after looking my friend @charinakim post make me wanna share a little bit about my family.
As you know when looking my face, yeah i am chinese descent. But, i dont know it is from my grandfather that born in chinese or my greatgrandfather. But, i am living in Indonesia, great country in Southeast Asia. Basically growing up in 3rd country is not great, And many problems comes from tight money management. But, i am lucky enough that my family is not really poor but yeah my family is not rich too. We are just keeping up with the cost of the living. And thats make my family relathionsip is not very good. I am not having good relationship with my father because as far as i remember that my father always on work from morning until evening, and after arrived at home, he spending time alone. Me as a kid did not know that in that time my father still battle with his stress and struggle. And that make me feeling that i am not having quality time with my father. After i grew up i know many stories about the relationship between my father and my grandfather. It turns out more worse than what i am feel.
The last time my family took picture together with my grandfather
The relationship between my father and my grandfather is very bad, my grandfather having play favor between his children. And my father is one of the kid that not get favored by my grandfather. My father very offended with my grandfather behaviour. And my father once said to me and my brother that he will not play favor among his children. But, here the problem. I dont know about the psychology but i had time to read that when you are very hate and repeat time after time you ended up doing what you hate. And yeah i am feels the same way that my parents doing play favor again even though i know that it is better than what my grandfather treat my father. Maybe it is like curse that hereditary to my descendant.
This picture is when attented in my grandfather funeral
When my grandfather passed away my father did not sad at all. I'm not surprised that my father did not sad at all.At first i am thinking that my father want to stay strong in front of his kids. But it turns out that yeah my father is lack of love to his father and just doing the responsible as a child that take care of the funeral. And after knowing that my father felt the burden and grudge inside his heart. I as the oldest child of my father cannot say anything or cannot doing anything at all. And i dont wanna judge him that he is doing almost the same cycle with his generations.
When i am teenager i am rebel kid that wanna show up my power and my ability to conquer the world, And with my behaviour is making me having distance in with my family. I am doing like that because my father is lack of believe in me and from kid until teenager i did not communicate often with my father. Usually i am telling my problem with my mom. And because of my behaviour too i am having distance too with my brother. Even though we are live in the same house, but i am infrequently meet and greet with my brother. either i am out from house or i am staying in my room and if we pass each other we dont talk at all. At first i am feeling that i am the only one that outcasted in my family. But after growing older and having a son, i can see with a different view. I know that my parents and my brothers loves me. But, yeah we admit it because our parents parenting the gap still exist. Either between my father and me or my brothers and me.
After feeling that way until i grew up older, i am making decision that i want break the chain of this curse. I want to be closer enough with my son. I decided to resign from my work in office because i dont wanna my son feeling like me when i am childs. I want to give my time with my son. Even though it is very hard because i paid with releasing job that can give my little family safety in financial.
I know that my decision maybe can still make my relationship with my son still having a gap. But, at least i want to make my son thinking that i always there when he need it. And i promise to my self that everything that my son do, i will believe in him, even though i know that he will fail i will said it is okay. Different when i was a kid, when i am doing fail at something, i will get mad and yelled. I know that it is not wrong either. Because now when i got failed i will work harder and prove it that i can do it. And maybe with my parenting it could make my son soft and cannot be strong. But, i dont wanna regret that i cannot be close to my son.
I am hoping that my son still wanna close with me
I want to make a moment with my son as much as possible. I don't know when my time will be ended. But, really i dont wanna feel regret that i am having a long distance with my son. I don't know this is the right choice that i made or not. But, at least i am not regretting at all.
In the end, i want to say thank you for all readers that support me and i am really sorry if my grammar is not good at all. If i am doing wrong in this content you can give warning in the comment so i will fix it. And i am hoping that you can enjoying reading this content. See you in the next content. Thank you so much