Sometimes ago, I had a long discussion with my grandmother about the traditional family system in Nigeria. She told me stories starting with olden-day marriages and then the traditional family settings, which made me appreciate being born into today's generation.
One of the differences between a modern family and a traditional family is the size of the size of the family.. The traditional family is like the extended family, consisting of both the grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and members of many generations living together in one house.
According to my grandma, you could see a family with more than 30 people living under one roof. I wondered how they did this back then, but I know that it will be one hell of a social group with many dramas, although it still has the good side, like when we talk about promoting cultural family heritage, for example.
Modern families, on the other hand, are quite small in size, consisting of parents and their children living together in one house, like we commonly see today. Let me state this before I continue: I experienced a bit of living with extended families (a traditional family lifestyle) for a few years before we disintegrated, and I would never opt for such a lifestyle anymore, no matter whatever advantage it may have. I think the disadvantage surpasses; the jealousy, the conflicts, unhealthy competition even among children, hatred, and what have you—just too many to deal with.
Back in the day, marriages, according to Grandma, weren't about couples being compatible or having affection for each other; they were more about a man coming to a family without first having a dialogue with the woman but straight to make his intentions known to the family. In this case, the family decides, and they give the woman to the man regardless of whether the woman has feelings for the man or not. Hmmm, it will interest you to know that even my mother was married in the same way—she didn't even know anything about my dad until after their marriage. She also told me that anytime she is permitted to visit my dad's room is whenever they are ready to give birth to another child, and that's like three-year intervals. You see, marriages back then were more for childbearing purposes.
The part that hurts me more is the position of women in traditional family settings. It was nothing to write home about; women assumed a low position, no right or freedom of expression, but rather did as the men commanded. Because the large members of the family live together, women were confined within the four walls of the home, more like slaves to the men. They will just sit back , take care of the children and farm as well , why the men provide for their basic needs; they aren't permitted to hold any occupations or own properties. And so, they had no voice in their family and were made to tolerate every nonsense to keep their home. No wonder you could hardly hear of divorce those days because they couldn't even exercise their rights. It's like their marriages to men in the first place are compulsory, and you're just made to marry a man through an arrangement, and family begins.
But then, in modern families today, there have been a lot of changes. Both men and women are free to make their choices about a compatible spouse and have the freedom to explore, work, and secure assets. Women nowadays aren't so subdued by men, but they speak out and even sue men in court if the need be.
With the smaller size of the modern family too, there's better family bonding, and nurturing the kids to a certain standard becomes easier to manage, unlike the large traditional family where members of the family are too large.
I think the modern family and marriage lifestyle has more advantages. If I were to have been born in those olden days, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to decide who would marry me but whomever my family wishes to. I may also just be at the mercy of a man; I will be unable to work or own assets in my name, lack of expression, and all of that. Some people argue that divorce is more common today, but it also depends on personality, the way we handle conflicts, and how men treat their wives with or without respect, as well as understanding and communication, which were limited back then.
Everyone deserves to be treated well and with respect in a family and to have the ability to express themselves anytime. After all, a family should be one without who is the head or the tail.
Thanks for reading through.❤️❤️❤️
All images were taken from Canva
