A couple of weeks ago, I was in a situation where I needed to understand certain things about myself and my behaviour. As much as I often feel like I’m right in most situations, I feel like I’m doing something wrong when no one cautions me or tells me when they think I might be wrong.
I’ve found myself revisiting a lot of issues I’ve had with some friends and family and I’ve tried to look at things beyond my point of view and my emotions. I’ve been trying to fully grasp these situations and see things from other people’s points of view.
Collage made by me on Canva
My partner recently told me that I’m among the few people he’s met who can look into the layers of my life and make a change where I feel a change should be made. I’m always willing to take corrections and look beyond my emotions when I realize that I’m wrong, no matter how long it takes me to realize it.
I first of all considered my relationship with a few of my friends and forced myself to fully accept that their lives do not revolve around me and the same way I’ve accused them of not being good friends is the same way they could accuse me of not being a good friend and we’d all be in the right.
There’s no hate, simply a lack of communication and understanding. At least, that’s how I feel. I can’t and shouldn’t hate them and if for any reason they hold anything against me, I would hope that they’d deal with me with the same grace.
In the same vein, I decided to extend the same grace to members of my family who haven’t reached out to me in a while. I decided to call them and let them know I still think about them. It took nothing from me but gave me so much peace.
I’ve always been the person who lives at peace. I had no idea when I began to carry this weight of unforgiveness and strong dislike. I’m an adult who’s fighting for her life alongside others. We all deserve as much grace as we can give and receive.
These recent adjustments have made me feel at ease with almost a zen feeling. I’m no longer a victim, I’m simply a cheerful observer.