My boyfriend is a manipulator./Мій хлопець маніпулятор.

in #hive-1092885 months ago

Hi everyone, it's only been a few days since our first and I hope to be our last fight with my boyfriend. I am writing because after considering his behavior towards me, I discovered that he successfully manipulates people. I am not ready to change him and I am not a psychologist to somehow change an adult man. Especially since he believes that only he is right. We will have to part ways because he is putting too much pressure on my free mind and I have found that I am better off without him than with him.
I was driving my car in the passenger seat. I watched the beautiful sunset over the city. I thought that I had come hundreds of kilometers to be with that man. But it is very difficult to agree any decisions with him. Only he has the right decisions and he decides everything on his own.
I thought that I had fallen into this trap, because everything started so well. I would say that it is too good, almost perfect.
So, the beginning of a relationship.
He wrote me a message on social media. I knew him before, we had already met twice before, so I replied to his message. That's how a conversation started, later calls. Although I was sure then that we are completely different and we do not have a common future. I told my mom about it and it actually felt right.
But this man was persistent. He carefully asked about my plans for the day, he offered to come to his place and described that all he needed from me was my presence. He found and adjusted a lot of common features, that it is as if we love the same, as if we watch and read the same. This person completely dissolved in me and it did not worry me at all, because I am an adult woman, I lived at home and I felt great.
Then there were notes of such manipulation. He watched and waited for me to write to him, then forced me to talk for hours about nothing. In fact, we have nothing to talk about, because he has a very stingy mind. He wasn't really interested in my life at all. The purpose of these conversations was to persuade me to move in with him.
I consulted with my mother as usual. Mom wants me to be happy. But I did not love this man, and I did not want any relationship with him at all. And I really felt happiness at the beginning of our relationship. Before our first quarrel, everything was really tolerable.
We traveled to different countries, viewed the beauty of the surrounding nature. He always emphasized that he was a good man and that he created the perfect life for me. We planned to go to the sea together. But I don't want to go with him anymore, because he manipulates people, words and actions. And I am like a fragile insect that got into the skillfully spread web of this cunning spider.
Elements of manipulation that I observed all the time. Very fast decision-making time. Either yes or no. There is no other. In general, the flow of relationships is incredibly fast. A little more than a month passed between the first message and my move. At first, the manipulator pretends that he likes everything about me completely and everything fits. And when I have already agreed to a close relationship, then it already begins that the clothes are not the same, the style is not the same, everything needs to be bought new and that I need to start changing. Although he himself is far from ideal. He begins to press on my shortcomings.
This person first gained my trust, and then begins to humiliate me. Psychologically it is very difficult to endure.
"I won't hit you," he told me.
But it is very cruel of me to cling to me with words. I just expressed my opinion, which is different from yours, and I have the right to it.
"Many women would like to be in that place," he told me. But in fact, he is single as a finger and has dozens of failed relationships. And you guess that someone else is always to blame, but not him.
Each situation has several decisions that should have been made by me, not him. He can force you to have sex even if you refuse. Or, on the contrary, "punish" it.
"You're just working out your childhood traumas on me," he told me. But I lived with them for forty years and felt great before meeting you.
The abuser devalues ​​my possessions, criticizes, imposes his opinion, promotes alienation from other people, punishes with silence, instills a sense of guilt and inferiority, creates isolation from society.
I know that he will not change and I need to return to my life.
Thanks to everyone who was able to read. I have to write because I'm going crazy. It is very stressful for me to feel what I am feeling right now.

Привіт усім, минуло лише кілька днів з часу нашої першої і я маю надію нашої останньої сварки з моїм хлопцем. Я пишу , бо обдумавши його поведінку по відношенню до мене я виявила, що він вдало маніпулює людьми. Я не готова його змінювати і я не є психологом, щоб якось змінювати дорослого чоловік. Тим більше, що він вважає, що тільки він правий. Нам прийдеться розійтися, тому що він дуже давить на мою вільну свідомість і я виявила, що мені краще без нього ніж з ним.
Я їхала своїм автомобілем на пасажирському сидінні. Я дивилася на чудовий захід сонця над містом. Я подумала, що я приїхала за сотні кілометрів, щоб бути з тим чоловіком. Але з ним дуже важко узгоджувати будь які рішення. Вірні рішення тільки у нього і він вирішує самостійно все.
Я подумала як так, що я потрапила в цю пастку, бо все так гарно починалося. Я б сказала, що аж за надто гарно, практично ідеально.
Отож, початок стосунків.
Він написав мені повідомлення в соцмережі. Я знала його раніше, ми вже до того двічі зустрічалися, тому я відповіла на його повідомлення. Так зав'язалася розмова, пізніше дзвінки. Хоча я була тоді впевнена, що ми зовсім різні і в нас нема спільного майбутнього. Я про це говорила своїй мамі і це насправді було правильним відчуттям.
Але цей чоловік був наполегливим. Він дбайливо питав про мої плани на день, він пропонував приїхати до нього і описав, що від мене потрібна лише моя присутність. Він знаходив і підлаштовував багато спільних рис, що ніби ми однакове любимо, ніби ми однакове дивимося і читаємо. Ця людина повністю розчинилася в мені і мене це тоді зовсім не занепокоювало, бо я доросла жінка, я жила в себе вдома і я себе чудово почувала.
Потім були нотки такого маніпулювання. Він пильнував і чекав поки я йому напишу, потім примушував годинами розмовляти ні про що. Насправді нам нема про що розмовляти, бо він дуже має скупий розум. Його зовсім насправді не цікавило моє життя. Метою цих розмов було схилити мене на переїзд до нього.
Я порадилася як завжди зі своєю мамою. Мама хоче, щоб я була щасливою. Але я цього чоловіка не любила, і я взагалі не хотіла ніяких стосунків з ним. І я справді відчувала щастя на початку наших стосунків. До нашої першої сварки було все насправді терпимо.
Ми їздили в різні країни, розглядали красу навколишньої природи. Він завжди наголошував, що він молодець і що це він для мене таке створив ідеальне життя. Ми планували поїхати разом на море. Але я не хочу вже їхати з ним, тому що він маніпулює людьми, словами і вчинками. А я як тендітна комаха, яка потрапила в вміло розкинуту павутину цього хитрого павука.
Елементи маніпуляції, які я спостерігала за весь час. Дуже швидкий час на прийняття рішень. Або так, або ні. Іншого нема. Взагалі перетік стосунків неймовірно швидкий. Від першого повідомлення і до мого переїзду минуло трохи більше місяця. Спочатку маніпулятор вдає, що йому все повністю в мені подобається і все підходить. А коли я вже погодилася на близькі стосунки, то вже починається, що не такий одяг, не такий стиль, все треба нове купляти і що треба мені починати змінюватись. Хоча сам він далекий до ідеалів. Він починає давити на мої недоліки.
Ця людина спочатку увійшла в мою довіру, а потім починає мене принижувати. Психологічно це витримати дуже важко.
"Я ж тебе не б'ю" - казав він мені.
Але це дуже жорстоко по відношенню до мене так мені говорити. Я просто висловила свою думку, яка є іншою від твоєї, і я маю на це право.
"Та багато жінок хотіли б бути на тому місці"- сказав він мені. Але насправді він один як палець і в нього десятки невдалих стосунків. І ви здогадатися, що завжди винен хтось інший, але не він.
Кожна ситуація має кілька вирішень, які мала зробити я , а не він. Він може примусити до інтимну навіть при відмові. Або навпаки "карати" цим.
"Ти просто на мені пропрацьовуєш свої дитячі травми"- сказав він мені. Але ж я прожила з ними сорок років і прекрасно почувалася до зустрічі з тобою.
Абьюзер знецінює мої надбання, критикує, нав'язує свою думку, сприяє відстороненню до інших людей, карає мовчанням,виховує почуття провини і власної неповноцінності, створює мені ізоляцію від суспільства.
Я знаю , що він не зміниться і мені потрібно повертатися у своє життя.
Дякую, всім, хто зміг прочитати. Я мушу писати, бо я схожу з розуму. Для мене це великий стрес відчувати те, що я зараз відчуваю.

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Hello. Thank you for your concern. I'm glad it all turned out so quickly and not after several years.

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I was raised by women; a mom that worked three jobs, and a grandmother that lived through the Great Depression. No matter what the situation. There is simply NO excuse, for a man to treat women this way. I can only hope you were able to get out of this toxic relationship, dear soul. I would only ask that you read the guidelines in my community. We require everyone to state the source of their images. I'm going to curate your post this time. As I feel very strongly about the content you have shared.


Please continue to focus on what is most important in this situation... That would be... YOU! Love and light.


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Thank you very much. My photo is personal from my phone. I was driving in a car and took a photo.
I will resolve this conflict in my favor.

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Thank you for the human support.

Hello ! I've been where your at a few times , I finally woke up ! I felt it in my gut that nothing was gonna get better. The constant yelling and screaming , the " I did nothing wrong", then came bruises left from him because he was drunk. there was no good reason for him to hit me, it my mind it was because hit past failed relationships but there was nothing I could do to help him except leave or get killed. That last time he hit my kids so had to go. If I hadn't left I wouldn't be here today. My daughter just got out of a relationship like the one your in, he got tot he point of making her cut her family and friends off and only be at his house , she wasn't allowed to go to her own home, or do things she liked. it was until he was drinking and rolled his hand up to hit her, she got her babies walked out the door and never looked back. if you need to talk i'm always here , I have a discord server , I have facebook , I can even give u my cell number to text me. Please stay safe I will be praying for you

domestic Violence Hotline : 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
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Thank you. My consciousness does not yet understand what has happened to me in recent days. Earlier, my husband made promises to me, wished for my love and affection. Today he told me that I need to leave him as soon as possible. It was a very difficult conversation between us. He falsifies the facts so that it is my fault in this situation. I am going today, I really want to go home.

I'm truly sorry your even put in that situation. Apparently he has something else going on which he doesn't want you to be a part of , I've been there before so I know your pain. When this happened to me I left and never looked back, he chose a high school girl over his wife and 3 kids , After the fact we've been divorced for 30 years , he's not called any of the kids , no gifts no nothing. But I found it was easier this way, My advice find your happy place beyond him, Live your life for you and only you. If u ever wanna talk you can email me or join my discord server. My screen name on discord is prissy.
email: prissyme67@aol.com
discord link: https://discord.gg/jBT4pQ5q7u