We all must admit that relationships with in-laws are a complex thing. There's no guarantee that it will go well. We need a lot of patience to see beyond our references but still, there will always be an invisible tug-war.
I would say I'm fortunate that the war is invisible, and we talk nicely even if we have something else going on in our heads. I'm the wife of the one and only son of my in-law family. So the pressure is real.
I believe I'm not the only one who feels this way.
My relationship with my mother-in-law never felt 'warming'. We talk nicely to each other, never disrespect, and never break boundaries. But there's something I can see that she doesn't like me. And to be honest, I never did either. But that doesn't mean, I hate her! After all, she is the reason my husband is here and I must respect her feelings.
In all these years, she poked me with words many times, but I stayed silent. I'm sure many of my words hurt her, too. It's never like we argue openly, just in conversation; we always show our differences.
We keep the boundary.
Despite all the challenges and issues we face, there are some things that I appreciate about her. And to be honest, I want to achieve/replicate those things in my life too.
My mother-in-law never talked badly about me in my behind. I got to know from people that she always talks well about my patience, cooking skills, parenting, etc to them. However, she often gives me negative opinions about this. But it's a relief that she keeps them inside the family. That's a great virtue to keep the family reputation up although we may not like each other and have differences.
She is not into 'trending' things and is very grounded. My mother-in-law never goes for any fancy things. Maybe because the hardship she had to go through in her life made her like this. But I like it that she never goes to the market for fancy shopping, or watches the trending things on TV or mobile. She is very religious and stays within her circle. I often feel like I need to learn this to be so grounded, to not get much attached to these earthy things in life.
Her patience and care are what make her different from others. She stays apart from my father-in-law and never gets too attached to us, with my children. But she takes good care of other family members, including her mother-in-law and husband. Maybe I'm the one that she doesn't like, and that's why I keep my distance from my children. But she takes care of others and is always very generous about others; that is what I need to learn.
I know you are probably going to judge me silently. But believe me, I never talk about our family issues publicly and not about my mother-in-law ever. Because I know, it only will make me look bad.
But Hive felt like a place where I could vent.
Anyway...
We may not be fond of each other, and we may not hold our hands and give warm hugs but we keep a respectful boundary. I recognize that we both need to lose our egos to come closer. Maybe someday that will happen.
Despite all of this, I learned a lot from her. I feel like focusing on the good can blur out the bad and help to see things in a less complicated way. Despite all the differences we have, I try to learn from her regardless.
Thanks for the question, it gave me the chance to take a moment and think about these positive things.
Your @peacefulsoul
Wes & Grindan