Over the past few days, I've found myself entertaining a variety of thoughts. Naturally, I am an overthinker—a serious one at that. I think about things before they even happen. Sometimes these thoughts do not bother me, and sometimes they do. Recently, after writing my final exams for the semester, my mind became free of some things; it was like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But then new thoughts came flooding in—thoughts about how I was going to spend this six months of academic break. I thought about how I might become lonely since I'm staying alone, how I could make something out of it, and at the same time, make it interesting.
For me, things like these require planning. As someone who is easily distracted, I plan everything important to me and go with the flow; this way, my inner self can easily call me back if I get sidetracked.
I've been worried about certain things for a long time now, and most times it hurts that I can't do the things I think about, even when I have them written down repeatedly.
One of these things was becoming visible once again on Hive. I wanted to write so badly, but the words just weren't coming. I tried community prompts countless times, but all my efforts proved futile. At some point, I started wondering if there was something wrong with me somewhere… I am just glad I was able to differentiate between writer's block and procrastination because they both look alike to someone like me who can be lazy at times.
For some time now, I've been watching people live my dreams. One of these dreams is to become a goal-oriented kind of person. I want to be able to satisfy my future self with my present lifestyle. I don't know if that makes sense.
Anytime I watch these people or talk to them, I feel energized, and the hunger to grow becomes amplified.
I am not longing to be who they are because I don't know who they truly are behind the curtains. As we all know, no one is perfect. That notwithstanding, the fact that they are living it tells me that I can also live it.
It might just be a matter of time.
This is how I feel when I see others achieve what I want to achieve. I feel encouraged because it shows that what I want is not impossible. There is a chance that I can do it if I put my mind to it.
So here I am writing this, not for my journal as usual, but for publication for others to read. I might sound weird, but I know that publishing it will ignite my ability to start writing again.
So, have you ever seen people living out your dreams? How did that make you feel?
Photographs from a friend, Protokkol