When it comes to anger, I used to believe in action, then I metamorphosed into being really expressive and then settled for silence. The deal for me with anger back then was, if ever I am quiet, it's because I am plotting. Basically, being born and bred in the southern part of Nigeria, Warri to be precise, I came to realize that the only thing that the people here understand is a little show of madness to ascertain dominance. Was I really proud of such uncouth moments? No, but then in the past, I was all about lessons that must be taught and learned simultaneously.
Naturally, when it comes to settling conflict, I am more of a diplomatic person. I'd rather we sit down, put our grievances aside and iron things out like sane adults but over the years since I attained adulthood, I have come to realize that the only language most human beings understand, especially in my side of the world, is force and violence. Thus, I saw myself transform from someone who would rather sit and trash things out or even overlook certain things, to a person who would use any means of brutal force available to prove a point. And this was the sort of life that I was living in one of my previous Jobs. I became so expressive with anger that one could even feel it from the tone of my voice.
During that period, I was always agitated and aggressive. At a point it felt like I lost control over my emotions and I didn't know when to stop. While I struggled to remain sane and not be overly consumed by anger, I had a wake up call thanks to my colleague. It so happened that one evening while I was in my office balancing and closing accounts for the day's job, one of my colleagues approached me and said he wanted to speak with me. At that point, I was closing accounts and such a time is not good for talking, but since he was there standing by my side, I gave him an audience and without looking at him, I told him to be fast and speak quickly.
He hesitated at first but then went on to ask me why did I all of a sudden become so hostile and mean. I paused for a second because I wasn't expecting such a question from him. Truly, I had metamorphosed into a maniac, screaming and cursing at the slightest provocation. I never thought someone else would notice and when he asked me that question, I immediately became so cold that I started reflecting on all my actions.
I didn't even know what to say to him but I just managed to say it's the job and explained to him how managing people could be exhausting and bring out the worst in an individual. We did speak for a little while after which he went back to his duty post and I continued my work. But I wasn't settled, I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I didn't want to continue in such a job that brings out the worst in me.
My colleague became the wake up call that I needed because after the talk that I had with him, I knew my work environment had become too toxic and it was time to leave. I did resign and currently I'm on self therapy for anger management and in my journey I discovered that silence is loud and while people expect you to react, keeping calm becomes the game changer that gives you an edge and makes you become a better individual.
Above is my response to the February Inleo prompt, you can participate here
Posted Using INLEO
