Lazy days, breakfast in bed, passionate mornings filled with love and playful energy. I don’t wait for my dreams to come true anymore. I make them a reality, at least for me.
I already had the feeling yesterday that I would do almost nothing today apart from cleaning my house and getting active on Hive (sort of). I have been killing it from the start of this week and I knew that I would have to take a step to avoid a burn out. It’s so easy to get swept up in a web of activities and forget that I’m human. I forget that I’m not “Superman”.
As the weekend comes to a close, I am proud to say how much I enjoyed it. Even now, I’m still on my couch, alternating between Discord and Threads, scrolling mindlessly through Twitter and exchanging convos with my favourite people. I must say, it feels good to be alive. It feels good to just be.
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I think alone time is very underrated. Just spending time with myself today made me feel like I was floating. Reminds me of NF and his song “My Stress”. While showing up daily and doing your best consistently is the major way to go for the best results in life, we still have to pause, take a deep breath and appreciate our own company. We need to keep in mind that we are humans too and we deserve to be heard and loved by ourselves.
Sometimes I hear voices in my head. Loud and clear, so sharp that it rouses me from sleep. I wonder what that is, a side effect of dwelling on my thoughts too much? It doesn’t matter, what matters is how in control I am right now.
I hadn’t felt that way for a while. So this is a precious feeling. Doesn’t mean that I’m certain of my tomorrow, just that I feel more confident now doing the things I love to do; write, read, be myself. The importance of being able to express yourself can never be overemphasised enough.
The freedom of expression comes with a boost in confidence (at least to my own knowledge) and when one is denied the right to speak (in this context, to be themselves), we take away their voice. It’s almost like robbing someone of their core.
This train of thought brought me to the point where I asked just what is the line between compromise and freedom of expression? How much do I have to hold back when being myself in public? Or better yet, just how much of my core should be in the dark because certain people can’t stand it?
Whatever the answer, I decided within me that living my best life also meant expressing myself. As long as I don’t hurt others or myself in the process, I’ll freely express my thoughts and if you don’t like it, that’s fine. We are all different, just don’t try to make me feel bad for being me.
With that said, I’ll get back to enjoying my own company with music playing beautifully in the background. Most times, I forget what a mess my life seems to be just because of the simple joys of life. Does this mean I’m nonchalant? No. It just means I’ve refused to be beaten by my problems. Trust me, I have doubts, fears and anxieties that haunt me daily but, at the same time, I have memories, testimonies and beliefs that anchor me to the reality that the darkness won’t lay forever.
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