While growing up on the streets of Saw-mill, Ilorin, I had a neighbour whom everyone knew in the area because of the incessant fights and noise that comes from their apartment. Even though I was a little boy then, I knew there was something odd about the family and that is the fact that the mother is the only adult I saw around. I was lucky to have both parents while growing up and my father was a strict disciplinarian who was quick to use the whip at the slightest offence. I envied Sodiq then because he didn't have anyone to punish him whenever he erred but in retrospect, I realized that I should have been grateful for having what he never had access to.
His mother works as a nurse and at the end of her shifts, she goes to her shop (a small pharmacy) where she sells drugs and administers treatment for minor illnesses. I never knew the reason his father was never around, nevertheless, the stress and financial difficulty the poor woman experienced while raising Sodiq and his sister is an archetypal example of what many single parents face.
EFFECTS
The effects of single-parenting are multifaceted. Among them is the emotional impact it has on the children themselves. Such children feel lonely whenever they see their peers with 'complete' parents and may react to it in different ways. Like Sodiq, some may become troublesome while others withdraw or begin to seek attention elsewhere. They eventually become victims of cultism, rape, substance abuse etc. which may hamper their academic and career growth.
In addition to this, children from single parents may find it difficult to keep love relationships in future. Since they never had positive role models while growing up, they tend to repeat the trend.
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On the other hand, such children may turn out to become more self-reliant and matured at an early age than those who had both parents to raise them. This is because they are exposed to diverse conditions and tend to learn things the hard way while those with both parents may be overprotected. Because of their personal experiences, they may also become more compassionate and empathetic whenever they encounter others who face similar circumstances.
The heavy financial burden is one of the major impacts of this situation on parents. Being responsible for the role of two people may make a parent work longer hours or do multiple jobs in a bid to meet up. This may lead to severe health issues and excessive stress. Some parents may even become tempted to engage in crime or resort to drugs abuse in an attempt to raise funds and manage their emotions.
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- Their tight schedule and emotional strain may lead to loneliness and lack of interest in social activities that may help them feel better. Some find their children drifting away from them because of their unavailability. This is ironical since they are undergoing that stress because of those same children. The case of my neighbour, Sodiq and his mother, is an example of this.
THE WAY OUT
Over the years, I have observed that single parents are usually women. This is probably due to the fact that men die at a younger age than women. Regardless of the reason behind the situation, it is important for single parents to admit that they need assistance. This help may be rendered by a trusted family member, friend or neighbour who can render financial support or take care of the child when the parent is unavoidably absent or busy. Nevertheless, there is an emphasis on 'trust' because of the kind of society we find ourselves nowadays.
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More importantly, the parent should strive to set clear priorities and make adequate plans. I have observed that it is more important to achieve things rather than being busy alone. They can adjust their schedule to ensure that they are most active during the periods that their children are at school. In fact, it is advisable to look around for a good boarding school when they grow older so the parent can have time to work and attend to other tasks. These steps will help them have time for their children during the holidays or when they graduate.
Such parents should also try to show genuine interest in their children. Lamenting about the partner who abandoned them or died will only sow seeds of bitterness in the children and they will end on venting on the available parent. Instead of this, show genuine interest in their personal, academic and career growth. Single parents should try to be present during school visiting days and open days. I attended a boarding school (F.G.C.I) and I know how priceless those brief moments are. I also know how hurting it feels when I see my classmates with their parents while mine couldn't come due to one reason or the other.
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I hope we all never have to experience single parenting. And for those who already find themselves in it, I pray you find solace, comfort and peace of mind.
Thank you for reading through my article.
