When I am frustrated to a point, I tend to say hurtful words, not to anyone but my younger siblings. I still do not understand how this could be possible because I tend not to abuse outsiders but my siblings, maybe because I realize that one has to be careful with people who aren't related to you but when it comes to your family, especially siblings whom you relate with daily, no matter what you say or do to them, they tolerate you because when all is said and done, they are still your blood and you can't fight them forever.
This is why I am too careful when I am pushed to the wall by people and try to control and refrain from saying hurtful words to them. Words spoken are like eggs broken, they can't be packed again especially when they are said angrily and out of annoyance, and at that point, one regrets his or her action and wishes they never said that but the deed has been done already.
Some say one must be careful with how we deal with people because seeing someone who decides to be calm and make peace doesn't mean they won't unleash their madness on you when it calls for it — everyone is mad when the situation warrants it 🤣 except for someone who has decided to live for Christ.
My younger sister is the only person I tend to insult with words like, "You are stupid or a fool" even when I have come across it in the Holy Bible where it says anyone who calls another a fool would be in hellfire. Whenever I say words like this, I try to correct myself and feel sad for uttering such words but the deed has been done and I just forget about it. Life moves on since it's with my sister. But this makes me feel like not being a good big sister especially when I do not try to apologise, and in other cases, she would admit her fault and correct herself.
Just a few days ago, my sister whom I invited to Hive has been doing fine. Before she started getting on her feet with writing good content, I knew the number of times I have had to insult her, hurt her with words and just vent my aggression on her due to how frustrated she would make me and she, on the other hand, had to tolerate me and was patient with me too. I hate to keep guiding someone on the same thing over again as if I was teaching a toddler.
I was teaching her something that day and told her she would need to convert her HBD to Hive, and then forward it to me so I could help with the transaction. This was someone who had gone through the Newbie Initiative some weeks ago and learned how to swap tokens.
I don't know what came over her on this day, perhaps the word "Convert" which I said confused her. So, instead of swapping her Hbd to Hive through the keychain app, she went through peakd and used the "convert" feature. I waited for some minutes and my waiting was taking forever. I chatted her up to find out what was keeping her that long because the swapping of a thing doesn't take long. It was then I saw she converted the HBD, a process that would take 3.5 days to get converted and sent to her wallet. Unfortunately again, the conversion process cannot be cancelled.
At that point, I was so mad at her and got frustrated especially that she had wasted my time as I needed to work on a task which I left because of her. Something that shouldn't have taken more than 10 minutes went on for thirty to forty minutes and this got me infuriated and had to release my anger and aggression on her. I didn't know when the word "you are very stupid" dropped from my mouth. I was just too pushed by what she did and that got me upset and kept typing hurtful words at her.
I decided to call her to lash more words at her because I couldn't take it any longer, and then I saw she was crying bitterly because of what happened. I cut the call and calmed myself down for some minutes, I felt so bad. While in the process, my conscience kept saying what I did was wrong and was like, "You went far. You shouldn't have said those words to her. It hurts her too. You should have been patient and found a way to solve the issue. This is not good..." I became guilty instantly and I wished I never said those words to her. I realised we all make mistakes and should be patient to look for a way to resolve them. What if it happened to me?
Quickly, I chatted and apologised to her. Then calmly said the converted Hive would be sent to her wallet after 3 days. Thankfully, she had more HBD for the transaction and had to do it rightly after that. When she read my apology, she said something that struck me hard on my chest, "It's alright, ma. I deserved it." I just couldn't type any word again and that ended it.
First and last image generated from ideogram while the second belongs to me
Thanks for your time reading. Looking forward to your interaction.
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