Growing up in family where everyone loves each other equally, no greater or lesser love for anyone. Till date, I don't know exactly how my parents did it but we just love each other so much. I remembered the few times we traveled for family functions and some certain members of the extended family couldn't help but give compliments to us, saying our kind of siblings are quite rare, we are united, we don't relate like our age. Well, they aren't lying at all. I also don't know how we didn't it then and exactly how we are doing it, it's just there. However, I know it was how my parents brought us up, they knew how to communicate love in their own way to us, we understood it and did the same for each other.
Growing up like this among people who genuinely love me, I didn't have to do much. However, I did not know that it is not the exact outside as it is with my family. I was quite unexpressive of my thoughts and feelings. I didn't know sometimes one would have to openly express love or friendship just beyond being around, being available to help. I struggled with some of my friendship with people and all the faults from my end weren't even intentional: I just didn't know. It was more of me doing the norms, the little thing I used to do to my siblings and parents, to my friends. However, some of my friends weren't satisfied, felt like I didn't value them so much. Yeah, some knew I that I do but over time I realized that the problem was absence of reassurance. For example, women generally want their man to tell them how much they are loved, the numbers of times doesn't matter to them, they just want to hear it as often as possible. Constant reassurance is similar in relationship with friends, family and to lovers. Letting them know how much you value, like and appreciate them: it doesn't have to wait till their birthday, no, it could be once every month.
It took a lot for me to learn how to, I am still learning to get better at it. Having a very faithful friend might be enough but those extra efforts, energy and support makes the relationship count. Once a while my dad would randomly call me to ask how I am doing in school and would say something like this "we didn't forget you". It sounded kinda weird the first few times he said that to me on phone call but later on I realized my dad wasn't just telling me. He was giving me an assurance that even when they can't send me money, when they can't be there with me physically, I am not forgotten. And deep down, sometimes experiencing the whole activities in school by oneself might be overwhelming that I feel like I have no one, just me and no friends and family, (I hate stress😂😂). Hearing such sentence from my dad changes my mind. Saying intentional words to those who mean a lot to us can strengthen the relationship, a reminder oh yeah she/he still gat me.
I frequently go to farm because of final year project and it can be stressful at times with the animals: I have a friend that would call to ask how it is going on farm, just to keep me engaged and not focused on the stress. Helping when you're in need is one thing, getting helped when you didn't even know you need help is another. Imagine this, a friend who had texted you like 5 times and still called to confirm how your journey back home is like. Is that not so intentional, the friend could have decided to call you at your estimated time of arrival at your destination but choose to call or text every 2 hours.
From my family at home and few friends here in school, I have come to realize that being so intentional and doing just beyond the ordinary are confirmations that the friendship, bond or love is still alive: you don't have to wait till when it is required. Constant reassurances can help in times of doubts. Besides, make sure you're giving those constant reassurances to the right people.
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