I dislike confrontations of any form. I don't know the actual time that I decided not to have any form of confrontation with anyone, I just knew I didn't like it. It's probably because I have seen several times what exchange of hurtful words does to people, how it can lead to further argument or worse, physical contact where people end up exchanging blows.
As humans, we are not the same, they are people who are always calm in all things they do and they are people who are very temperamental. The fact remains that no matter how calm some people can be, they are those who are ready to throw hurtful words at any slight disagreement, so one cannot totally avoid meeting people like that.
Unless you are a stone or a non-living thing, I believe we all experience anger sometimes due to others offending us or people just trying to rile us up. How do we respond to this anger?
For me, whenever I am angry, I used to be very quiet but boiling. Especially when it pains me down to my marrow. I can decide not to talk to the person because their presence would just spoil my mood.
It's even worse when the person makes no move to apologize for what they have done. It would hurt me further whenever I see them laughing or playing without a care in the world while I would be there boiling with rage.
Since I don't like confrontations, I used to think it was best to keep quiet, but I noticed that it started affecting me as I could hold on to that grudge for long. Something happened one day which changed my stance on how I handle anger.
A friend of mine did something that offended me. I was so angry that I was boiling with rage. I vowed to do something that would hurt her and also make her angry. I had promised her beforehand that I would help her with something important that she wanted to do. But due to my anger, I refused to help even when she had fully relied on me to come through for her.
She tried reaching out when it was time she needed me but I didn't even bother picking her calls. I knew she would be disappointed but I didn't care because I wanted her to feel pain like I did.
Two days later, she came to see and expressed her displeasure about what I did to her. At first, I was fuming with anger, not minding that she was even talking to me. It was until she asked if she did anything to offend me that I opened up about what she did that angered me. She was shocked as she was totally unaware and she explained what really happened.
It turned out that contrary to what I thought I knew, she had no fault and I was given the wrong information. I immediately felt like a fool, getting angry over something that was not true. I apologized and promised to make it up to her which I did.
After she left, I sat down and had a rethink. What if she had not made a move to know what had happened, I would have kept holding grudges against her. I thought of a few people who had angered me in the past (those that decided not to send me) and I asked myself, what if I was just angry over nothing?
I tried reaching out to some of them and communicated with them and we were able to resolve the whole thing. I felt so liberated afterwards and I noticed I was able to smile and laugh better than before.
Yes, I still dislike confrontations but I have learned to be more expressive by communicating instead of holding grudges. It doesn't necessarily mean shouting or slinging abusive words but expressing your displeasure probably after you have calmed down and had a clear head. Communicating calmly can easily resolve disputes and dissolve prolonged anger.
This is my entry to the FebruaryInleo Prompt for Day 11. Join in here if you would like to participate.
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