I wish how I push myself to do better was a little different. That I don't push myself to do better to the detriment of my health.
I have a very vivid scenario of this in my head of which I can never forget. It was during my university days when I worked so hard to get good grades. On getting to the university, I had one major goal amongst other minor ones. It was to graduate with a first class.
I hold my goals so dear that I really do not want anything on earth to interfere with them. I discard anything that proves too stubborn or is distracting me from attaining this goal.
So, I tend to want everything on my path to be perfect and predictable. I want to think my journey through, my steps through, from start to finish and also accommodate for unforeseen circumstances. Leaving some space for margin of error or uncontrollable events.
I sort of pride myself on being a master planner, although it doesn't always allow me to live free and to the fullest. I always have something doing or planned to be doing. I am always occupied and leave little or no time for friends. Which isn't a good thing for me.
My brain is always working at every point, making sure all my plans are properly executed with no interruptions. When I am faced with a situation where all my plans and calculations are going to fail me, I start to panic and feel immense pressure, which is not good for me.
Up to the point that it affected me health-wise. I was trying to hit a perfect GPA that semester, especially after hitting it the previous semester. It was a terror; I was doing all the possible things I could do just to achieve my goal.
I thought outside the box, inside the box, acted in an unusual way, since there is a saying, "If you want to achieve different results, you have to do something different." Oh, I did the most different things just to get that uncommon GPA.
I even put myself under immense and (I can even say now) unnecessary pressure, thinking that if I push myself hard, just hard enough, I will get what I want. Unfortunately, I fell far far away from the goal. Even unusually so 😂.
I got a GPA that even if I didn't try as much, I wouldn't have gotten. It was my worst semester. This is not to say I shouldn't have worked as hard. It is just a matter of balance, recognizing when I am pushing myself too far and just taking a break to breathe in some air, take some rest, or even take a nap.
I can't run faster than my destiny, so I shouldn't bother trying.
So, this is the one thing I would change about myself. Worrying less, not overanalyzing things, and not putting myself under too much and unnecessary pressure.
PS: I fell sick that semester from putting myself under too much pressure. Hence the terrible result.
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