One funeral takes me on a journey of self-reflection—reassessing what I had been doing.
I remember it vividly. It was a smoggy morning when mom received a phone call about my uncle's death. I could hear a teary-cracked voice on the other line since the phone call was on speaker. So we came for the funeral to pay respect and console the bereaved family. At the burial site, the tombstone reminded us that some people lived long lives, and others were gone too soon. After the burial ceremony, people lived. For a close family, it will never be the same. The funeral made me think of so many things.
Every day we are getting older. Our parents are getting older. So I'm trying to accomplish goals sooner, but I ended up burning out, again and again, like a fool who never learned a lesson. Burnout did not come out of the blue. It was self-imposed. Four months ago, I decided to pause a few activities to accomplish immediate goals. But after attending a funeral, I asked myself, Am I living life?
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Life is fragile and short. We often take our health and lives for granted. I never failed to see the importance but as stubborn as I am, I choose to be blind about it until it's unbearable. There are only twenty-four hours a day. And we need to give a sizeable amount for sleep and rest. It is a hard lesson to learn that I almost end up in the emergency room due to fatigue. To finish my graduate research, I pushed myself to the limits—trading sleeping hours and rest. I'm doing it not just for a couple of months, but it's already over a year. So out of necessity, I paused everything to heal for a week or so. It was a hard lesson, but I needed it to grow and make more meaningful decisions in the future.
It is not just sleeping and rest that I traded. I give up some work and possible financial gains. I also declined some family and friends' invitations to hang out and dine out. Most of the time, I am in seclusion working with graduate research in which I'm unsure if it is worth it or if it turns out to be life-changing. While I reach a point where I traded off things in a losing game, I better reflect and reassess what I have been doing and give myself a little empathy to sort out things. We owe ourselves to discover and rediscover what can sort out our lives. There is nothing wrong with pushing ourselves, but we should know our limits—the none negotiable.
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Everything we ever did in our life is a little dash between the dates of birth and death regardless of how temporally apart. The story of life begins with one celebration and ends with one mourning. How are you writing it? The answer to this question revolves around what choices we make and what we truly desire to live. We make the most out of life and make good memories while growing and thriving. So I decided to slowly get back to the things put on hold even if my research is still in progress. It's a way to at least be a gentle reminder that I can do it now than later. It is just a matter of finding time but not sacrificing again health and life. As we aspire for growth, we grow and live life—I failed to do so and trying to sort it out now.
There are good stories to hear at funerals and wakes—stories of good deeds and how someone affects the lives of others. Undeniably, it is heartbreaking to lose a loved one, yet it is reassuring to know that a person influences others beyond expected. We never know how profoundly our words and deeds affect others. That taught me that life isn't all about ourselves. Every action we make affects everyone around us and may have profound repercussions for them, particularly those who love us. Our dreams and goals account for the people around us, and our journey to achieving them must not neglect them.
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Life is happier when we are grateful—even if the only reason is breathing. Something unique and outstanding does not happen every day. Sitting in front of the laptop for long hours and overthinking our life decisions doesn't become better. Each daily moment is like a vivid motion picture of phasing youth. As we grow older, adulting life crept up gradually. The days were shorter, the party began to taste stale, and the evenings were no longer as enticing as they always were. Above all, there are still reasons to be grateful. Growth includes finding happiness in the little things that happen every day.
Not long ago, we dream of what we become when we grow up. We were in that shoes, and we can still remember the daydreaming. When high on our youthful audacity, we always seek a fresh start and more adventures. But not too long, life overtakes us, and adulting starts drowning us so that we can barely swim. We then forget to live a life. It takes me to one funeral to rethink what I have been doing and reflect that fulfilling a dream does not mean not living life. Life can be crazy and complicated. I'm trying to live life and may stumble from here and there, but trying. How about you? Are you truly living life?
| Author's Note: This is the first post after four months of hiatus. Real-life had drowned me and the burnout started earlier this year did not help. I paused to take a break from writing. I'm still unsure if I can regularly post, but I'm trying. By the way, how are you? I hope and pray your doing well in life. It's nice to be posting again. See you around in the comment. |
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All featured digital illustrations are created by the author.
