Rating: 1/5 For Movie & 5/5 For Michael Myers
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Watch Here: [Not on my Watch]
Halloween Kills (2021)
AKA – “For 40 years or 40 years Ago” “Evil Dies Tonight” JK - but you will hear that all thru the film - Like you're watching a trailer or something.
There comes a time in everyone’s life where they must evaluate just how much entertainment, in any form, means to their existance as a human being.
For many, different types of entertainment may have been an escape or coping mechanism during adolescence. Others may find themselves inspired by the elements within different entertainment genres.
For the majority however its basically something to be consumed and forgotten like a #1 off the McDonalds menu. BIG MAC BITCH!
Unfortunately for us here on the review crew, we fall in to the first 2 categories of adolescent escapism & inspiration.
That may be a sad fact for middle-aged men to admit, but it’s better to be honest with oneself instead of pussy footing around the truth.
Which is what Halloween Kills does quite a bit of, in this sequel to the 2018 decent reboot of Halloween. It just fucking pussy foots around for an eternity.
Frankly it’s hard to put into words exactly what's wrong with this movie, without going on some tirade about each of those individual problems.
So to shorten things up a bit, we'll say that Michael Myers is EXCELLENT in this movie.
Though he isn’t as stealthy as previous films, what he does is amazing and incredibly enjoyable to watch.
It’s everything else in this "film" that’s absolute trash.
From the get-go we are treated to a flash back scene where we see a chubby 1978 version of Myers returning to his home, and eventually arrested by a CG Loomis and police.
This CG imposed face thing, has become an unfortunate staple in all franchises associated with our childhoods. We see it in Star Wars predominately now, and why I admit seeing a Young Luke Skywalker made me feel like a kid again, seeing Dr. Loomis felt disrespectful.
It was a completely wasted scene which was tied to the over arching forced narrative that Halloween Kills tries to trojan horse onto the audience.
OH, what’s that? Halloween Kills is pushing some narrative instead of being a movie about an evil unstoppable killing machine?
That’s right pleb, they fucked us hard during this movie. To save time (too late) here’s basically the forced narrative, along with some plot points that outline how futile it was to push any type of trash mental gymnastics in to a horror film:
It is revealed that Officer Hawkins was one of the arresting officers in 1978
Hawkins accidentally shoots his partner who is being choked by Myers
Myers walks outside of the house and is surrounded by cops + Loomis
Cops beat the shit out of Myers
Loomis goes to shoot Myers in the head
Hawkins stops Loomis from shooting Myers as it’s the “right thing to do”
It’s a right thing to do because we have a “system in place” and it must be adhered to
During present times Tommy Doyle (Portrayed by that goofy kid from Weird Science & Sixteen Candles) rally’s a posse to hunt down Myers once it’s revealed that he’s back cutting up the neighborhood
Laurie’s Granddaughter joins one of the vigilante groups
Karen, Laurie’s bitch face daughter talks about there being a system in place and that vigilante mob justice is “wrong”
(Now here’s where it gets dumb) One of the escaped, criminally insane mental patients who survived the wreck from the first movie when Myers staged his escape…is running wild around Haddonfield
For some reason everyone assumes this short discount Danny DeVito wannabe is Myers
They chase this guy around the Hospital, Karen tries to save him, but he commits suicide by jumping out the window
The way this is filmed, we are meant to feel sorry for this geek, and look at vigilante mob justice as something bad, because we have a “justice system in place”
Karen, along with the same posse of people who forced that psycho to commit suicide, corner Myers at his house, wherein Karen stabs him with a pitchfork, lures Myers out to said mob in the middle of the street, and allows the mob to fuck him up.
So Message????
This is really the major complaint I have with the film. Forget the fact that for the sequel they went back to the hospital because you know, part of the reason for the reboot was that there was a fan perception that the original Halloween 2 (1981) was terrible.
SPOILER it’s not, in fact it’s the best Halloween movie ever made, but I digress.
It’s just like when they rebooted Star Trek, and the second movie introduced Kahn, because everyone loved Star Trek 2 the Wrath of Kahn….Even though they said they weren't going to do that - So what’s the point of reboots if were treading over old ground.
The only other redeeming quality about this movie aside from Myers killing everything in sight, is the dynamic duo known as Big John & Little John. All of their scenes are gold, and that alone is worth the 4.99 admission to watch this on the PeaCOCK network.
FINAL WORD –
MRHELLBOX – Big fucking let down is all I can say. Very disheartening as a life long fan. It’s stuff like this which should either inspire you to make your own shit, or restrict how much importance you place on entertainment in general.
However, you can’t ignore the forced narrative that they pushed here; it’s very out of place and has no business being in a slasher film.
Like it should have been a movie or tv series on it’s own. That hospital chase/dilemma seemed to go on forever and servers zero purpose.
In contrast to the original Halloween 2 (1981), where the setting was used appropriately, the hospital became an isolated setting of dread which enhanced the movies atmosphere.
They should just cancel Halloween Ends at this point. Oh and if my daughter was hacked up by this maniac, you best believe that I wouldn't rely on "the system" to square me away. This system is whack -
OH and before I forget, speaking of forcing narratives. Remember in Halloween 1 when Laurie is running from Myers, and knocks on neighbors doors for help, and everyone closes their blinds, turns out their lights and ignores her?
If you are a normal person, you would have concluded that those neighbors didnt want to be bothered with a Halloween prank. However, according to the cunts at Bloody Disgusting, it was an allegory for dealing with segregation, racism and down right evilness of the time.
https://bloody-disgusting.com/editorials/3687547/scariest-scene-john-carpenters-halloween-touched-upon-real-suburban-nightmare/ take a read, those guys are pathetic and I can't wait for a day when they are unable to peddle their agenda on normal people - Fuck this movie and them 1/5
Drunken Master – That nerd from Weird Science still can’t get any pussy. All Michael was trying to do was go home, man can’t even have that. 1/5
Prince Pectorals – Myers is pushing 61 and he’s still a baller because this plastic drinking, cuck generation just can’t hang with testosterone on the natch. I cheered at every death, Myers was the hero of this film. Long may he Reign SPOILER HE LIVES 1/5
